vodka makes me emo,

I think Carlos is the only one of my ex-boyfriends that I like seeing succeed, and be happy. Maybe that's because he's the only that I loved, and never treated me like dirt. I hate having these sudden urges to check in on their lives and take a gander at what they're up to these days. Bryce I couldn't care for really. We were never serious, and the only thing I remember from him is being bitten on my first kiss. No bueno. Ramiro was a D-bag. Emotionally cheated on my, overall was not a smart decision. He hurt me, and I knew he would. Cameron, was never a relationship. It was stupid, mistake that thankfully didn't result in me loosing my virginity in his truck. Rafael was... exactly that. I really don't know. Mainly because he dumped me, with no explanation. I think after the break up with Carlos, that was the one that hurt the most. I had opened myself, my life, my family up to someone. I let myself develop feelings for this person who I thought felt the same only to find out that overnight, that feeling dissipates. I was 19, I wasn't looking for marriage, just a guy that wouldn't be a total asshole. Why am I rambling? I drank too much tonight. Chris the bartender made me my usual appletini, and then gave me this thing called a scoobysnack and the rest is history. I had walked away from all the pain of those past relationships. I don't understand why I have to be such a girl and remember them. I wish I could erase them from my mind. It hurts to think about them, and I hate seeing them around campus, and seeing them happy. I wish I could warn the girls they're with to run and never look back because that is exactly what they'll do to you in the end.

Nights like these I wish Tony was here. He's going through such a rough time with his family and he needs space. I understand that. He makes me feel like not every guy in the world is going treat me like shit, and makes me believe in that "L" word again. No not Lesbian, L-O...Let's not jinx it. haha...Speaking of lezies, one was totally rubbing up against Edgar tonight. It was funny. Me and Kayleigh watched and laughed because she was so drunk. Every time she'd sit back down she'd fall asleep. Speaking of sleep. I'm out.

Wellness Blog #1

In an effort to loose wieght, get back in shape, tone down by belly, arms, legs and everything in between. I'm starting a wellness blog. Not only is this something where I can be raw and honest about my feelings of my physical and mental state, but I can use this as a self improvement exercise. And this shall be my first entry.

Tuesday of WEEK 1

weight: 135lbs

worked out today? yes. for 1 and a half. did a cardio and abs circuit with euge then we saw Bryce my ex teaching a combat fitness class. we joined in for a half hour.

breakfast: none

lunch: salad and water

dinner: not yet.

snacks throughout the day? chewy sour smarty things. but only to keep me awake through my last class.

cigs/cigars/hookah/pot: nada I've been thinking of pot. hmm.. I said I'd try it with chris and jason. Just cause I was curious as to why I'm so vehemently against something I have no knowledge of. Is that naivete?

relationship/friendship wise? My friendship with raf is good. We text and talk occasionally but I don't feel the need anymore to try to make small talk. We moved on. Human after all huh? lol. I'm worried that Priss maybe going down a very long and very confusing path. I'm just trying my best to be there for her. She has had fracture in her foot for a year. ....i know. Me and euge are hanging out more. I am happy.I just want my body to reflect that now. We are both going through transformations.I'm coming into my own style and euge is thinking of dumping eddie. He is just holding him back. But he needs to figure that out on his own terms.

state of mind: tired, healthy, lots of homework to do!!!