love and the sierras

It's as if I only write in this thing when something major happens in my life.

I don't see anything wrong with that, except i have to backtrack but that's ok.

Anyways, Ben and I have been dating for almost 5 months now. He's wonderful. My climbing partner, my acro yoga partner, my friend, and lover. Unlike the past relationships I had experienced, this didn't start out as an instant romantic pursuit. We first met when we were both in different relationships with other people. He was with this crazy red headed control freak, and I was with ray- a very good friend now, but the relationship, if you could call it that, was severely one sided and left me feeling empty. It was as if fate was working it's magic and we both got out of those relationships and over this past year ben and i got to know each other better and our friendship grew, we spent every day together. The summer was wonderful, learning to whitewater kayak together, climbing together. I had to learn to trust this man with my life before we even started dating. We were apart for a couple weeks over summer off doing our own adventures. He had talked about dating, and I was hesitant at first. Being weary since the last "thing" i had with a friend ended up being a disastrous friends with benefits deal. But when I had to be away from him for over a week, all I wanted was to be with him. So you could say, it began.

Our first date was to Shaver Lake. I came home from Canada and we drove out and fell asleep under the sierra night sky and watched the sun come up over the lake.

It's been 4 months and some odd days and I'm most definitely in love. There's so many things I could write but I guess I'll just sum it all up with this for now: When I'm with him, I know I'm safe, I feel his arms, his eyes, his kiss, and I know that he loves me and nothing can harm me. I've never felt so protected. I'm so blessed to have him in my life.

vLife

had a kick ass time with good friends at my first comp at yosemite fitness yesterday. climbed hard but still could not resist the feelings of inadequacy.

sonoma in a couple weeks. let's hope i get it into gear.

i have a lot to think about.

spring break just doesn't seem long enough.

Henry Madden Library

I'm sitting in Starbucks in our library. Yes Fresno State's massive library has a Starbucks. So dumb. Convenient, annoying. Aesthetically, it's ugly. It creates even more disharmony on campus. For being architecturally based on the Native Basket Weavers, it sure looks like a whole lot of cement, superfluous glass and L.E.D walls. I mean really? Is that necessary? We waited 4 years for this? Not impressed. Unfortunately, us students are in dire need of a library so this is what we get.

oK SO, I've been trying to do anything to stay focused, well maybe not ANYTHING but some things to focus on my studies. But it's not helping. I keep thinking about climbing, and my comp this saturday, and Tony. I'm so worried about him. I fear he's the kinda of guy who doesn't know how to express himself when he's sad or hurting and that may be a problem when you have 2 uncles pass a way within a week of each other.

So, sitting here thinking about climbing, agonizing over my frustrations of recovering from my second sprained ankle, people watching, invading their privacy from the comfort of my bay windows in Starbucks, I saw a blind man. It got me thinking how useless I, myself would be if I didn't have my sight. I wouldn't be able to climb, to ride, to drive. I have so much respect for the blind, who live their lives fully, as if they had no disability. I feel like I should write more about this. What would I do If I couldn't climb? I'd be severely depressed.

One word. ANTICLIMACTIC

It was a friday,

I had just spent the day with my fool eugene. Had two midterms, a paper outline. Then life was back to normal. We went to cinnamonster and had our weekly treat of guey warm cinnamony deliciousness, then climbed for a good 2 hours. Met some new friends, always a delight. Came home had some sinigang watched a little news with my future baby daddy tom brokaw, and just when I thought life was back to normal I get flooded with calls from fellow october lsat takers asking if i had recieved my score. I rushed up stairs, pressed the power button, clicked gmail and there it was. "You October 2008 LSAT score". Your score is....155

And ANTICLIMACTIC FUCKING 155. I guess I shouldn't complain. It's not bad, but it's far from what I wanted (a 160) So needless to say I will be retaking it again. In December. DUMB!

mental slavery

i've been climbing a lot lately. i shouldn't be up but i am. i had two trials today and two more tomorrow. it should be ..sucky. not because i don't like it but because i am bored with my team. some of the new people and old people, get on my nerves. and as a great friend once said i am drowning in a sea of your inadequacies. she's a bitch and i love it. she's honest and brutal and shrewd but she's herself ya dig?

i'm babbling. i'm planning another excursion do some much needed bouldering in tollhouse. it's closer and i don't have to drive 3 hours to yosemite and i don't have to drive to the rock gym to get eye raped by dirty rock gym rats at yos fit. i'm getting stronger. my finger strength and balance is improving. rawWwwrr!! i love feeling healthy. being able to run for miles without stopping to catch my damn breath is incredible. i though of doin a marathon but why? i think that if i had some goal defined i would be less likely to reach it. i know it's a bit antithetical but i'm like that.

my parents don't know how they feel about me leaving overseas. i am training to climb mt. kilomanjaro next summer and then perhaps travel to tibet or even go home to the philippines. i decided on kilmanjaro after speaking with a geologist who actually attempted Denali, which was my first choice. Denali is the highest point in the western hemisphere. It's fucking deadly so I decided that Kilo would be better. Plus, I get to go on a cool safari after the week long climb! i've always wanted to see a pride rock and rafiki! oh gosh i'm such a nerd. I think it would be incredible if i had enough time to work out some boulder problems. i'm pretty sure chris sharma layed some out. he is my inspiration! i've been watching him more closely. my proffessor want me to be his climbing partner. he's so cool. but it got wierd when he told me to call him "andy". i said i'd try but after years of calling him "dr. fiala" it's strange to transition to a first name basis.

I did some sketches today. I perfected my design! I'm getting a tattoo. YUMA. or SAN. in Kanji. i love it. i can't wait.

life is intense. waiting for my LSAT scores. i can' t believe how fast this "undergrad" has flown by