breaking up is hard to do...sometimes.

well. it's times like these when i'd usually say some philosophical emotionally charged quote like "this too shall pass" but. it's not fitting. not anymore. since that train has passed months ago. how crazy of an emotional rollercoaster being with him was. it began as party night with a couple beers and random makeout session. to our first date and then a full blow relationship. to finally realizing we're too different, and that he can't make me happy. i have standards. yes they are high. and i'm not willing to settle. it wasn't a waste of time. he made me realize the things I don't want in a relationship, the things i'm not looking for in man. he has good intentions. but unfortunately, he can't back them up. he doesn't know what he wants in life, and he doesn't have time or money for anything but himself.

i broke up with tony today. the first time i've ever had too break up with someone. boys have always broken up with me. but today i broke up with a man. man that sounds corny but its true. and he took it like a man. except for the part where he tried to twist it around and try to break up with me. but then i reminded him why I was doing the breaking up. i am a fabulous girl friend. and he didn't appreciate me. so that's life. I move on. he asked if we could be friends. i told him maybe in the future but not now. i definitely need space. but that was never a problem for him. in fact space was the only thing he was good at giving me. that says alot about our sex life. haha... well. i'm happy. i have my friends. my family. my health. and man did i look smokin hott today! lol.okay i will stop. but i love my new hair. a fresh start. refocusing on things that make me happy, and goals instead of being frustrated and hurt all the time.


life is good.

Autumn Leaves

It's cold tonight. It feels very autumny.

I've been debating on whether or not to share this with raf. Should I email him the permission link to read my blog? I feel that we are losing touch more and more each day. Makes me sad, that it was something that filled me with happiness me, and now has almost no presence in my life.

Part of me wants me to let him read it, because in some wierd way I feel like he'd understand it. And part of me doesn't want to burn that bridge. I don't want that connection to just disipate.

The other part of me is afraid that he'll reject my offer, as if he doesn't even care. Rejection. hmm...how to deal with this fear....

Reject me once, shame on you.
Reject me tiwice, shame on me.

The semester is rolling up quickly. It's gaining speed. which reminds me I must finish writing!