Thinking Aloud

What is it about the human psychological chronicle that makes us so attuned to our incessant need to doubt, second guess, and back stab our own notions of reality or for the lack of better words our ideal? Its been bothering me as of late, the very reasons why people change, and I struggle nonetheless with my own demons as to why I, myself am changing. I was content, in my numbingly ambient happiness. So why the fuck couldnt I just continue to placate Fate, God, the Great Spirit, whatever the heck lies beyond that Ultimate Divine, and stay subdued. I was happy wasnt I? Or was I content with being unfulfilled. Id like to believe that I wasnt, and that I was meant to serve for a higher purpose in society other than my automatic consumption of selfish post Neanderthal needs. Dont get me wrong, I refute any and all allegations that I am subjected to religion. I do not mean a higher purpose as in a servant, but in Realitys terms; in our own, psychically tangible universe, I was meant for something more. But, now I find myself floating between that relentless haze of alcohol consumption where I usually end up saying oh fuck, what the hell did I do last night?! and my undisputed controversy between my ethics and indulgences. Could it be that my ethical reasoning is the thing that is ever changing? Maybe its just the fact that I want to know where Im going, see into the future, and know what the fuck am I supposed to do. Cause all I want to do and say to the universe is fuck this shit.

Thinking Aloud

What is it about the human psychological chronicle that makes us so attuned to our incessant need to doubt, second guess, and back stab our own notions of reality or for the lack of better words our ideal? Its been bothering me as of late, the very reasons why people change, and I struggle nonetheless with my own demons as to why I, myself am changing. I was content, in my numbingly ambient happiness. So why the fuck couldnt I just continue to placate Fate, God, the Great Spirit, whatever the heck lies beyond that Ultimate Divine, and stay subdued. I was happy wasnt I? Or was I content with being unfulfilled. Id like to believe that I wasnt, and that I was meant to serve for a higher purpose in society other than my automatic consumption of selfish post Neanderthal needs. Dont get me wrong, I refute any and all allegations that I am subjected to religion. I do not mean a higher purpose as in a servant, but in Realitys terms; in our own, psychically tangible universe, I was meant for something more. But, now I find myself floating between that relentless haze of alcohol consumption where I usually end up saying oh fuck, what the hell did I do last night?! and my undisputed controversy between my ethics and indulgences. Could it be that my ethical reasoning is the thing that is ever changing? Maybe its just the fact that I want to know where Im going, see into the future, and know what the fuck am I supposed to do. Cause all I want to do and say to the universe is fuck this shit.

Vodka

i miss being evil. and being a nasty bitch to complete strangers just because it's tuesday and i don't like their hair. and the best part them never knowing. i miss pretending i'm from the U.K. and saying fuck just for the sake of the english accent. oh i how i miss it. i miss being groped by my quai-lesbian lovers. i miss pigging out on the notorious turtle cookies, who have all crawled their way to my thunder thighs and booty. i miss coding every thing that walks into the usu with two legs and a penis. muhahaha. i'm going to hell. but of course i miss table. i am out of school now and bored. and need table comfort. ok maybe southern comfort will do. be we all know what happens when jenny looses her inhibition...er consciousness...bad things happen. and i end up saying what the fuck did i do last night as i wake up to a passed out shivering black man on my couch, sticky spots of who the hell knows what on random areas of my tile, and a house full of empty bottles of alcohol that i paid for but did not even get to consume. damn. my life could be a parody. or a manual of what not to do when your parents leave and your left with a window to beautiful freedom, where you roll in the feilds of alcohol consumption. i think i should publish my memoirs.find more at my new bloggy

Change Is The Only Thing That Is Constant

So there are a few things that I really want to do. And well I don't really think I care anymore about what people think, I'm just going to do it. Life's to short to always make choices based on what other people think.The first is that I want a navel ring. It's just something I've always wanted to get. I don't know why, some people may think it looks slutty, but I think it can be sexy and tasteful. I don't care anymore, it's what I want. I never said anything to you when you got 3 extra ear pericings and a looked like a mudda fuggin vamp. Did I?!Second, I'm getting my M Class so I can learn to drive a bike and maybe someday have my own. I've wanted one since highschool, and I think I've always put it off because my parents have never been very supportive of a girl driving a bike. They're old fashioned if you didn't know and the fact that I wanted a longboard for my birthday was appalling to them. But once I get a stable job I'm getting that lisence and that bike. I hate labels.Third, I want to move out. Next school year, I want to live on my own, get my own place, or with roomates. But, I just want to see what it's like by myself. I think it's about time.

And so it is. Life goes easy on me.

So these past 4 days have been a blast. I just can't believe how much fun I had. This summer is going to rock. why? cause I have the greatest friends in the world. Maybe I went a little crazy...but hey it was all worth it, and I'm glad I experienced it at least once..er twice . I just don't know what I'd do without my friends. I mean they take care of me when I can't stand on my own feet....literally. Just wanted to let you all know that they are pretty much the bomb.com. Life is pretty swell. Summer school ain't that bad after all. I'll be done in 3 weeks the prof is awesome. A month break. Vacation in the Dominican. One more summer school class then get to start my second year of college. Too bad i couldn't be a counsellor for la sierra that would have rocked. But next year is going to be cool. anyways woot woot

My Friend Mike

Mike Fogolin
May 26, 2004

I had just remembered last friday was Mike's 2 years in heaven. I miss him so much. I went to school with him in Canada. If the name Fogolin sounds familiar, and you follow hockey, it because his father was Lee Fogolin, former captian of the Edmonton Oilers. He was one of the greatest guys I'll ever know. Always had a smile on his face, and always took time out for his friends no matter how busy he was. And I'll always regret never telling him how much I valued his friendship. He was one of those guys that had it all going for him, and was still humble and thankful for everything he had. He had such a bright future. NHL was surely in his path. But, regretfully his heart stopped beating. Just suddenly his life was taken away in his sleep that Wednesday night. I miss you Mike. Thank you for blessing my life.

Procrastination At It's Best

1. Name: Jenny2. Nicknames: jennay, shaniqua b latoya, jennytookapoopoo, prettygirl(i'm not conceided that's what los calls me :D) , canadian pinay, 3. Feet size: 7- 7 1/s4. Do you have a crush: yes.5. Girlfriend/Boyfriend? yes6. Age you act: depends on who i'm around.7. Where Do You Live: Clovisizzle8. Where you want to live: anywhere i'm happy9. Birthplace: Brooklyn, NY10. Favorite Salad Dressing: that stuff in chinese chicken salsa11. Ever gone skinny dipping? no.12. What are you watching? nothing. just finished watching grey's ...so sad.13. Last person you talked to? the parentals14. Favorite movie: life is beautiful (yes it's in italian!)15. Favorite Book: Angels & Demons- Dan Brown16. Favorite Type of music: jazz. not that shitty smooth jazz. i'm talkin real inovative, creative jazz bitch.17. Favorite types of cars: mercedes clk compressor automoatic in midnight black. haha nooooo jp. it would have to be the Suzuki Ninja yellow and black. 18. Favorite Saying: ARE WE FIGHTING? ARE WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW!! WE NEVER HOLD HANDS!!!! YOU NEVER BRING ME FLOWERS ANYMORE!!19. Favorite Fast Food: in n out20. Favorite Ice Cream: none. i like gelato :D straciatella!!21. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: jager bombs, and wine, and absinthe lol22. When Do You Go To Sleep: whenever i pass out from doing hw or studying23. Most Embarrassing Moment: ...no comment..24. Stupidest Person you know: Ed. haha no jp. probably....ed. haha jk.25. Funniest Person you know: the table26. Favorite holiday: Christmas27. Favorite Food: sushi28. Favorite Song: There are too many...right now i'm obsessed with Michael Buble's You Don't Know Me.29. Favorite Television Show: GREYS ANATOMY... DUH!!30. Favorite Radio Station: radio pshh. maybe b95 cause you know how krunk i am...31. Favorite junk food: tutles32. Favorite sappy love song: Only Hope...mandy moore. shut up. don't judge you know you like it too.33. Favorite Drink: didn't we go over this already? haha jp. Hmm...Italian Sodas from the PUBizzle34. Favorite article of clothing: cozy long sleeve tshirtsSECTION TWO:The Future1. School: Penn State Dickenson School Of Law, or UCDavis Law School2. Where You Want To Live: anywhere i am happy with my los3. How Many Kids You Want: muchos bebes. 4 maybe 54. What Kind Of Job You Want: Jennifer Carlos Attorney at Law, and peace corps advocate.5. 5 years from now? Either in Peace Corps of Law School6. 10 years from now?: Married. Pregnant? who knows. or PracticingSECTION THREE: Have You Ever..1. Done Drugs: No2. Run Away From Home: Ha tried when i was 5 ...packed a shirt and a juice box in my beauty and the beast purple lunch box but wan't strong enought to unlock the door...yeah i was special3. Hit A Girl: Yes.4. Lied: No. ;)5. Stolen: Probably somebody's turtle.6. Broken A Bone: Nope.7. Cheated On A Test: Yes.8. Cheated On A girlfriend/boyfriend: Technically yes.9. Gotten Drunk: Noooooo i don't get drunk. I hold my alchohol very well....10. Been With Two guys/girls At Once: Oh yes everyday....AT THE TABLE! my euge and justina11. Been In The Hospital: Yes. to many times. haha12. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: Yes.13. Fell asleep in the shower/bath: Yes.14. Gone to Church: Yes.15. Never slept during a night: USC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and finals week16. Ever been on a motorcycle: Yes!!17. Been to a camp: La Sierra Band Camp baby!!!18. Sat in a restaurant w/o ordering: probably19. Seen someone die: No.20. Gone a week w/out shaving: haha. ew but yes.21. Didn't wash your hair for a week: No. 22. Broken something valuable: Yes. my phone.23. Thought you were in love: Yes, and I was right.24. Streaked the streets: hm how about no25. Screamed at someone for no reason: YES!!!!!26. Said I love you and meant it: Yes27. Been hurt by a guy/girl you loved(deeply cared bout): Yes.28. Stayed up till 4 am on the phone: haha yes.29. Pulled a prank? Yes30. Made fun of someone? no lol are you retarded or something?SECTION FOUR:Which Is Better..1. Coke Or Pepsi: can't tell the difference.2. Cats Or Dogs: puppies3. DVDs or VHS: dvd4. Deaf Or Blind: this is a terrible question. neither5. Pools Or Hot Tubs: ocean6. Television Or Radio: greys7. CDs Or MP3's: my lil geeky red mp38. Apples or oranges: mangos9. Strawberries or Blueberries: kiwies10. Gold or silver: diamonds11. Vanilla or chocolate: both12. Movies or music: music13. Park or Beach?: Beach14. Hot or Cold weather? Cold15. Sunset or Sunrise? SunsetSECTION FIVE:When is the Last Time You..1. Took a shower: and hour ago2. Cried: 2 hours ago. GREy'S ANATOMY OMG DENNY!!!NOOO!!3. Watched a Disney movie: it's been a while4. Given/gotten a hug: today5. Been to the movies: take the lead. a few weeks ago6. had a boy/girlfriend: still have my boy7. kissed someone: too long ago...8. Said I love you: today9. danced: salsa? 2 weeks ago. danced like being retarded danced? all the time.10. did a survey like this: uhm. long ago in the xanga days.SECTION SIX:What is..1. Your Fondest Memory Of This year: can't narrow. if i had to choose. my 2 year anniversary with los.2. Your Most Prized Possession: cell phone.3. The Thing That Makes You The Happiest: los4. Your Favorite Food For Breakfast: eggs benedict5. Your Favorite Food For Dinner: filipino food!!6. Your Favorite Slow Song: When You Say You Love Me...Josh Groban.7. Your Ideal BF/GF?: Carlos. he's not ideal. He's PERFECT!SECTION SEVEN:What do i feel about...1. Bill Clinton: hero. and pimp.2. Love at First site: No. that is called infactuation my friend. or people watching...or hmm eye raping...3. Abortion: Neutral4. Smoking: I'm asthmatic you think i'm retarded also?5. Death: OMG DENNY NO!!!!6. Rap: i'm always krunk son7. Marilyn Manson: ruined tainted love that bitch.8. Premarital sex: not for me but i won't anyone who has.9. Suicide: a damn shameINFORMATION1. full birth name: not for you creepy stalkers to know yeah i'm talking to you muddafuggas!!2. hair color: black3. eye color: brown4. current height: beats me5. glasses/contacts: neither6. birthdate: not for you creepy stalkers to know7. ethnicity: FILIPINO!!!!!8. religion: undecided.9. current age: 8910. siblings:uno11. siblings age: 2112. location: of what. SOCIAL1. best girl friend: the table girls2. current crush: carlos3. boyfriend/girlfriend:carlos4. are u center of attention or wallflower: neither.5. what type automobile do u drive: ha funny story...6. are u timely or always late: usually late.7. do u have a job: No8. do u like being around people: no i'm anti social9. hobbies: i don't really have hobbies they're more like obsessive passions... like salsa and working out and skiingLOVE1. have u ever loved someone u had no chance with? No2. have u ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did? yes3. do u have a "type" of person u always go after: no4. want someone u don't have right now? no5. ever liked a close guy/girlfriend? haha yes..6. are u lonely right now? i miss los7. ever afraid u'll never get married? no8. do u want to get married? yes9. do u want kids? yes muchos bebes10. would you rather love or be loved? bothFAVORITES1. room in house: none. i like the backyard2. type of music: anything3. location for dates: picnic in woodward...or brauns ice crea ;)4. memory: being asked to prom5. day of the week: friday salsa night! well not sunday salsa night and tuesday salsa nights..any salsa night really.6. color: yellow and red7. perfume or cologne: Lacoste Femme8. flower: yellow roses. 9. month: February10.season: winter11. Band: U2 In the last 48 hours have you..1. cried: yes2. bought something: spicy chicken burrito3. gotten sick: no4. sang: haha yes5. said i love u: Yes6. wanted to tell someone u loved them but didn't: no7. met someone new: yes today that girl at the round table and henry in chem8. moved on?: huh retarded9. talked to someone: yes10. had a serious talk: Yes11. missed someone: all the time12. hugged someone: Yes13. kissed someone: No14. fought with your parents: no15. dreamed about someone u can't be with: No16. had a lot of sleep: no17. wanted this survey to be over: eh ok