Don't think twice.

This is what happens.
When you make choice.
Don't think twice.
And never look back.

On February 21 2009.
I felt the smallest I've ever been.
And at the same time
The biggest.
We are all to quick to forget how simple life can be. When you remember to just love the ones you get to share your life with. To breathe, smile, ponder, and live. Time seems to stop. As you look to the right and see the vast infinite blue, and the winding valley and snow capped sierras on the left. You remember how beautiful the world is, underneath the politics, the war, and death and destruction. And for a moment you experience something greater than yourself.

And for 70 seconds
Of

Free.

Falling.






You're happy.

21 and some

ahh...my 21st was nothing short of ahhhmazing.

The night itself was a drunken mess as catalyzed by my ever pressing alcoholic friends. haha..no they really aren't that bad. Had a lovely dinner with the family and close friends then went out to the local bj's for drinks. Thank god for Tony. He was definitely not only mr. wonderful but mr. designated driver. The boys took me out to Samba's for a little drinky drink, and lot of dancing!!! Then on saturday wen't and jumped out of plane at 15,000ft. My first (and definitely not last tandem skydive) was nothing short of incredible. The most amazing view of the Pacific, the valley, AND the sierras. So beautiful.





Delicious, are we not?

21

It was a blast.

legally yours. no pun intended
















Amazing, are they not?

iWife

Sometimes I wonder if what my future holds is marriage. You know the happy kind. The kind you hear about but you know deep down it never exists. And if it does exits, it's one of those stepford wives scenarios where the husband is some misogynistic schmuck who goes to work at some huge company, cheats with his secretary, all the while his wife is home playing dirty whore with the pool boy waiting for the man to bring home the bacon. I am so over this so called American Dream. This ideal to be prosperous; go to school, make a lot of money, get married, have 2 1/2 kids. For what? To die trying to find the remanents of your past life when you were alive, and were actually human? No. I can't. Not for me. I've never really liked the idea of being someone's property either. Sure, it's a nice thought that perhaps in some far off, distant, alternate universe soul mates exist. But, I've come to realize that maybe they don't. Maybe it's just the same sociological bird feed we are spoon fed when we are little, you know, the kind that makes us think we can do anything, and be anything we want? I mean, I like the idea of having a wedding. It's nice, romantic, idealistic. But, what do either people who partake in such contract really accumalte from it? Joint checking accounts, unruley in-laws, and a lifetime of arguments, and "what-if's"Alright...I know I'm getting entirely nihilistic for my own good, but I need to be this critical when something so blantant is staring me right in the eye, telling me to snap out of it. I don't do well in relationships for entirely this reason. I think to much. I think of my past relationships. I think that maybe that they are doomed to fail, and those realtionships that turn into marriage will either end up in divorce or leave the couple eternaly regretful.

Lately, I've been feeling very self centered. In a selfish way. I'm closing off my closest friends. For what reason. I don't know. I just find it less appealing to reveal every nook and cranny of my life to my peers. Perhaps I feel like they have their own lives and honestly deep down don't really care about things going on in my life. It's a shitty thing to say. But I've grown old trying to convince myself that people care about what you go through.