hmm

i'm like a kite. i went to ry's tonight before the final with sean. i think i yelled at his mom about some thing. and then she yelled at me back. FUCK. and all sean fucking jones did was laugh at my fucking ass.
shit. longfellow blew me to shits.
i drew pictures on my final. it's doesn't fucking matter since its mocktrial and gordons going to give me and A anyways. fuckkkkkkkkk . i was so hungrey. we brought a shit load of in n out to the final and fucking down that shit like the mother fucking titanic. i came home and my parents didn't figure it out. hahahaa. so silly. i guess i'll just take a shower so that the smell of la hippylettuce can stop excuding from my pores. then take a nap. and more in n out.fuck i'm tire.

random

yes ma i had a date tonight....


it was pretty damn fun. it began so randomly meeting at ryan's party...with a random guy i randomly met at the rock gym who just randomly happened to be ryan's 2nd cousin and who randomly showed up to one of our mock trial parties. lol. watched Australia, probably one of the best date movies...love, action, comedy, everything. it was just a lovely evening with a very lovely fella. met up at the bookstore, it was early so we could still catch the first showing. after the movie it was pretty late so everything was pretty closed but it was fine. grabbed a burger at in n out...then drove around.....and probably stayed in the parking lot saying goodbye but failing miserably for an hour. it was a "i don't want to let you go" moment. and he said it several times. this guy is not a player as some of his friends are....i like him...it was what a date should be. he was a gentlemen throughout. and i of course, was delightful, humurous, flirtatious, etc. i did find myself having to hold myself back from tearing apart his clothes when he kissed me on the neck, breathed and nibbled on my ears....that was unbearable.

i have to admit i was nervous. really nervous. wondering if i should have an escape plan. lol but i knew i didn't because he wasn't like one of the losers i had gone out with in the past. those dates that crashed and burned. never again! never dating boys ever again! only men. i just was nervous that maybe if i couldn't have a good date with this guy it was really just something wrong with me. not them. but it wasn't . it really was them. because tonight was just right.

he doesn't play games. i dig that.

party

I met a man today. That's right a man. lol. He's 25, smart, incredible body, and surprise surprise is successful.

ganja, beer pong, bday!

it was a saturday,

my lil brat's bday today. had sushi at sendai's then went over to his house for a major chill session. i wish i didn't have to drive edgar and myself home. tonight i realized how much i missed my lil wilson. smoking the ganja with my homies was nice. surprise surprise i met some really fine ass filipinos. that was rare! lol. but hey i'm glad it happened. i realized i am quite the champion of beer pong. redeemed sean's ass from lame gnome. my head is spinning, i have the munchies.

;)

One word. ANTICLIMACTIC

It was a friday,

I had just spent the day with my fool eugene. Had two midterms, a paper outline. Then life was back to normal. We went to cinnamonster and had our weekly treat of guey warm cinnamony deliciousness, then climbed for a good 2 hours. Met some new friends, always a delight. Came home had some sinigang watched a little news with my future baby daddy tom brokaw, and just when I thought life was back to normal I get flooded with calls from fellow october lsat takers asking if i had recieved my score. I rushed up stairs, pressed the power button, clicked gmail and there it was. "You October 2008 LSAT score". Your score is....155

And ANTICLIMACTIC FUCKING 155. I guess I shouldn't complain. It's not bad, but it's far from what I wanted (a 160) So needless to say I will be retaking it again. In December. DUMB!

Rockon

went yos fit again.

met some cool people. met the "poster boy" joe of yos fit apparently. it was him, lisa, sean, and tim and they introduced themselves to me. i like that. when people are friendly. It's calming to know that there are still exists some things that connect people in the most basic ways. Such as happiness. The enjoyment that we all shared from the art form, and the sport, and to be able to share that with the like people. Unrivaled. The comraderie, the encouragement, its nice once in a while to experience a community other than every man and woman for themselves. We would look at problems that challenged us, climb, encourage each other, fall, try again, every time giving each other advice on how to over come the problem. Tried a pumpy 5.10 with a crux overhang. Joe lived up to his name and flashed it while the rest of us just gawked in amazement. I tried it and made it to the crux and fell as i kicked sean in the face a couple times. Gotta love your belayer. I hope i see them again sometime. They were fun climbing with. Miles away from the gross rock gym rat who always tries to give you advice, that he can't even do, smells, and is just overall a gross person. I know way to be descriptive.

Going salsa dancing tomorrow. :D

holdin' on

i've rehashed my love for the smoothness and warmness of citizen cope's mellow tunes. It's a sunny day, leaves are starting to fall, life is changing with the seasons, and I've been waiting for so long to feel this good. It's perfect, to let yourself go. nothing better than to sit in the cafe, do some reading, and just enjoy life in a latte.

I have been wanting you for so long,
I have been wanting you for so long,
I been down, I been down a different road,
I been out, I have been out of control,
Girl when you touch me like that,
I get my senses back yeah
Girl when you touch me back,
I get my senses back yeah,

So now I’m feeling alright, cuz nothing feels like when you’re holding on,
I said, feeling alright, cuz nothing feels like when you’re holding, when you’re holdin’,
I’m feeling alright, cuz nothing feels like, when you’re holding on,
When you’re holding on.

I wanna treat you like you wanna be treated yeah,
I wanna see you as you wanna be seen yeah,
I been down, I been down a different road,
I been out, I have been out of control,
Girl when you touch me like that,
I get my senses back yeah,
Girl when you touch me, yeah
I get my senses back yeah


Let yourself go girl
Let yourself go

Vancouver nostalgia

Sitting at Teazers in tower right now. I used to adore this place, and then I stopped coming. I had rude service and one asshole is enough to get me to vow an oath of segregation on that establishment. But i came back, in the mood for some quality, non starbuckian, tea. The man who helped me teased me, no pun intended, and small talk ensued. I sat down took my lap top out and here I am. People watching is one of my favorite things to do. You can find out a lot about a person by simply watching how they interact with themselves and their surroundings when they think someone is watching, an when they don't know that someone is watching. I know it sounds creepy but whatever. Anyways the crowd in tower is a lot different from the clovis yokies in my hood. Everybody is so individualistic that it ceases to be adherent to individualism. Went to cafe info shop to listen to some speakers and get extra cred. Went to spectrum to see the new exhibits. I'm itching for some culture and vibrance in this town and yet again it's borderline failing. I can't wait to get the hell out of fresno.


I am missing Vancouver. & I am missing Carlos.

scores, scores, scores

4 days left till i get my lsat scores.

i can't even begin to express the amount of anxiety i am experiencing right now knowing that the future of my law school career, or in a worst case scenario lack of, is depending on this one scaled score.

I'm getting a bit annoyed and scared of one friend of mine. He is obsessed with this girl. And she does not have the same feelings. He always complains about how she's sending him mixed signals when she clearly is not and insists that despite the fact that she is 18 and has a boyfriend he loves her and blah blah blah. When he starts talking about "love" i just zone out. I'm taking a psych of crime class and he is very much exhibiting characteristics of a stalker and psychopath.


Mt drama. Not going to harvard was a blessing in disguise! Get to lead a team to Memphis instead, Ruby Tuesday's, incredible weather, plus i don't have to miss a shit load of school, and i leave from FAT instead of SFO. coaching tomorrow is going to be funny, my kids came to watch me at the scrimmage and i have yet to get their feedback.

as of right now i'm trying to be a little more focused on school work. Midterms and papers are up and coming. I am not looking foreward to these next few weeks.

mental slavery

i've been climbing a lot lately. i shouldn't be up but i am. i had two trials today and two more tomorrow. it should be ..sucky. not because i don't like it but because i am bored with my team. some of the new people and old people, get on my nerves. and as a great friend once said i am drowning in a sea of your inadequacies. she's a bitch and i love it. she's honest and brutal and shrewd but she's herself ya dig?

i'm babbling. i'm planning another excursion do some much needed bouldering in tollhouse. it's closer and i don't have to drive 3 hours to yosemite and i don't have to drive to the rock gym to get eye raped by dirty rock gym rats at yos fit. i'm getting stronger. my finger strength and balance is improving. rawWwwrr!! i love feeling healthy. being able to run for miles without stopping to catch my damn breath is incredible. i though of doin a marathon but why? i think that if i had some goal defined i would be less likely to reach it. i know it's a bit antithetical but i'm like that.

my parents don't know how they feel about me leaving overseas. i am training to climb mt. kilomanjaro next summer and then perhaps travel to tibet or even go home to the philippines. i decided on kilmanjaro after speaking with a geologist who actually attempted Denali, which was my first choice. Denali is the highest point in the western hemisphere. It's fucking deadly so I decided that Kilo would be better. Plus, I get to go on a cool safari after the week long climb! i've always wanted to see a pride rock and rafiki! oh gosh i'm such a nerd. I think it would be incredible if i had enough time to work out some boulder problems. i'm pretty sure chris sharma layed some out. he is my inspiration! i've been watching him more closely. my proffessor want me to be his climbing partner. he's so cool. but it got wierd when he told me to call him "andy". i said i'd try but after years of calling him "dr. fiala" it's strange to transition to a first name basis.

I did some sketches today. I perfected my design! I'm getting a tattoo. YUMA. or SAN. in Kanji. i love it. i can't wait.

life is intense. waiting for my LSAT scores. i can' t believe how fast this "undergrad" has flown by

vcity

It's made me more in tune to my own selfish and materialist tendencies. I am truly in complete and utter adorement of bc fashion. Sitting far from the tourist traps of waterfront, and gastown, i am in a cafe in commercial people watching the city's locals. Effortless, carefree, uniquely ununique is something quiet distant from the valley girl californian. I hate these labels yet I am drawn to this kind of town. I think I may question whether or not I can stay in california post law school. A JD is not available in here although, i believe an equivalent LLC may be. I am not sure. Hopes I can assimilate the two needs and perhaps find myself in a city such as this. If i am so lucky.

dying from a big heart?

this morning i went downstairs to have breakfast with my parents. and as i'm walking down the stairs i see my mom sitting on the couch. she tells me she has a heart problem. and i get really confused. says that she went to the doctor because she had chest pains. the did some ekg or something and saw that she has an enlarged left ventrical in her heart. i have no idea what that means or implies but i know it's not good. so they tested her heart. made her do the treadmill stuff and all that. and it's bad. they put her on meds. my parents aren't being very specific about it, and that worries me. i knew something was up when the other day my mom told my dad to go get her prescription at the drug store, and they never said what it was for. after my mom told me i tried not to cry. but i couldn't help it. so i went toeh refrigerator and pretended like i was just looking for food. luckily i had my hoodie up so they really coudn't see my face. my mom started scaring me when she said that either me or my dad had to be there when she went swimming just in case somethin would happen. then she tried to crack a joke saying that she might end up like my jazz teacher who died of a heart attack fell into a pool and drowned. first Mr. Shaghoian, then Dr. Wallace and no my own mother. I don't know if I can handle this.

i don't know if i'm that strong
but until i find out
i'll be waking up everyday afraid that it's the last day i have with my mom.
afraid that she might have a heart attack
or congestive heart fauilure
or the day that her doctor tells her she needs heart surgery

i feel so selfish
and i can't even stop from crying.
even now
it scares me so much that i loose my breath and i start hyperventalating.
why my mother?

i wish i could have the last say

it's been bugging me for quite some time now.

his memory lingers.

and everday i think, and wonder if he thinks about me.

probably. probably not i think to myself. i'm not that kind of memory.

i wish i had that stability back. in my confidant. something i was always sure of. but i don't think he would trust me again. and then i wish i had that person to talk to. about the things that i love, and loved, and dreamt, and feared, and questioned.

i digress

cigarettes

27 Dresses: Gave me hope that real, honest, good men still exist, and that maybe it's ok to want to be in love.

My friend Jacob is this amazing guy. His girl doesn't treat him the way he deserves. I wish I could tell him the things I want to tell him. But the last thing I want is to be responsible for their breakup in any way. I remember him when he was so vibrant, and alive, happy and easy going. Now he's always sad, angry, stressed out. He's so incredible in the way he lives. His eyes are this peircing shade of ocean blue. He cares for everybody and is always in control. An absolute gentlemen. He smokes so much he's going to the doctor. We don't know if it's cancer. But if it is, I will absolutely just die. I want to tell him things... but I can't.

Film Reviews & Reflections: I Am Legend & Paris J'taime

I Am Legend.

Slightly depressing, Shocking, and Predictable.

Paris J'taime

Lovely. Makes me want to take a chance. Make me want to learn French, move to France and fall in love with a Frenchman