Standards

I have standards. No more excuses. I won't break them for anyone. PERIOD.I know I may be quite bothersome when it comes to that guy blah blah blah, but please bare with me. In my mind I think that the constant and ever continuing conversing will ultimately numb my nervousness. But in all honesty, I'm treading unknown waters, and I'm afraid to sink. I'm not a fan of not knowing whether or not there is potential for a relationship, so I tend to psych myself out by overanalyzing certain situations. Believe me, I'm working on that. So what the heck is this post all about? Well, I figured that if I had it down in some form of which is tangible, I'd be better able to grasp what exactly my standards are. As communication with the opposite sex seems to be the one constant barrier I have such trouble with. So here goes...1. Must value education as much as I. If you want respect, do something worth respecting. Nor can he be the guy that undermines what I study and love. His interest in what I do is of great importance and by far a necessity. It would be genuinely reciprocated of course.2. Driven. Must know what his goals are. I'm tired of guys who have no idea what they want and where they want to go in life nor what they want out of a relationship.3. Must practice chivalry. It's a thing. No questions asked.4. Physical health is of importance, but not their primary concern when it comes to going out on a date or working out at the gym. I'm definitely not a fan of the all body and no brain kind of guy.5. Understands and respects my parents, and is not afraid of meeting them or their standards.6. ABSOLUTELY NO Freinds with Benefits. I'm sick of that. It's stupid, immature, and is the most irrational mindset after cheating. Just not for me. I've tried, and it doesn't work. Plus, I don't do man whores. (sorry andrew)7. Must be attractive. Heyyyy, I'm not shallow, or superficial. And, I won't apologize for that statement. It's a fact that we like people that are attractive. I know you can't deny it. In this sense, I'm applying it not only to the physical but also the personality. I'm hate dry personalities and poor excuses for stale conversations.That's all I'm asking for. That's not alot right? right. I thought so too.

Peace & Love & Birthday Fun

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone for the wonderful birthday wishes!!! They are truly appreciated.Friday was the greatest! Thank you to everyone that made it!Here's the rundown...Right after class me and Laila went and bought me a cute outfit to wear. Did a little shopping then met up with Edgar at Sephora for my full consoltation. Raced back home to get ready, and met up with everyone at Fuggazi's for dinner at 6. Dustin had made sure it was ready for us when we got there, but unfortunately was not working that night. Gabe sat us, and directed our guests when they arrived. I'd have to say that we were quite the party. Had my girl Cambria helping us with whom all the boys were flirting with. My boy George was inside but came out to say hey every once in a while. He really wanted to join us when we were all singing, but he was working. :( However, I did get one very unexpected, and one very welcomed surprise visit from Dustin who wasn't working that night, but came just to say hi and wish me a happy brithday. :o)teehee...*blushes*. I know I'm a silly girly girl with silly girly girl crushes on the silly cute boys at Fugazzi's. lol. But that is a whole other story. Had some good food, good times. Oh, and got serenaded by the wonderful voices of Kayla, Eugene, Edgar, Laila, and Tay! That was soo much fun! Opened some wonderful presents which I adore, and completely feel undeserving of! My cute parents came and had dinner with us. They are so funny and I love them.After dinner we all went to Gahlebs but it was packed so decided to go to Neo's but that fool was closed for catering so we just went and hung out at Theta Chi. Frank had a hotel room at the Radisson, so after a few beers and getting one very interesting, and quite violating lap dance from one of the Theta Chi brothers we left for the Radisson. lol. I saw some old friends of mine Gyasi, Ryan and Frank! How I miss hanging with them! After chilling with some brothers and some random people we decided to call it a night. It was soooo much fun. I loved every second. For all those that couldn't make it, I missed you and wished you were there!Here's to a great 19th year my friends. Peace & LoveJLos

Satellites

I'm sitting outside on a pool chair right now, in my back yard with the white christmas lights on, and the changing multicolored pool lights illuminating the entire back yard. It's dark, and foggy, and chilly and serene. I've got a cup of earl grey, and a blanket the size of a small country wrapped around my entire body. I don't see anything but satellites and stars, and the distant blinking of red lights and city lamps. I just finished reading 3 chapters of constitutional law, and my brain feels like it's going to have an epileptic shock any second. This is cozy. It reminds me of last summer. Remember last summer? We spent so many days in my back yard, at my house, in my kitchen. Up till dawn with all of our friends. We had all the same friends, you and me. That's how we met. Remember that day we met? I do. I needed help with math. You're very good with math. What's it called. I can't remember. We had a name for it. You and me. We had names for everything. I passed by the place we had our first kiss. That was a good night. I remember everything. everything about us. Our first date. You're family. All those days you spent with me and my family. Dinners at your house. Sunday afternoon naps. I miss waking up to you. Sometimes I don't exactly think you understand how much I miss you. That sometimes, some nights, like tonight, I'll cry when I remember how happy I was with you. It really does frighten me to have that feeling that I'll never love again. And this is starting to sound like bad poetry. I miss practically everything about us. But I'm being totally selfish. We used to stargaze. and right now I'm stargazing alone, and I think, you're there, I'm here, we're looking at the same stars. I see orion's belt. You taught me to spot that one. You would never hurt me. But, I hurt you so many times, and you never let me know. You know we were good together. You were good for me. I'm glad we're friends. But I guess this is closure...in a wierd sense. I guess I'm not completely closing the door. I'm going to close it mostly...but leave it unlocked...so that on the chance that someday we want to go through that door again...it'll be for the long haul. Because I still remember what you said to me that day on the bus when I was falling asleep and I rested my head on your lap and you brushed my hair aside and looked straight into my eyes when everyone else was already asleep and you said "i'm going to marry you someday."I remember now.We called them bleeps. They were satellites. It was the night we had our first kiss. We were sitting outside in your car with the top down. Stargazing.