Satellites

I'm sitting outside on a pool chair right now, in my back yard with the white christmas lights on, and the changing multicolored pool lights illuminating the entire back yard. It's dark, and foggy, and chilly and serene. I've got a cup of earl grey, and a blanket the size of a small country wrapped around my entire body. I don't see anything but satellites and stars, and the distant blinking of red lights and city lamps. I just finished reading 3 chapters of constitutional law, and my brain feels like it's going to have an epileptic shock any second. This is cozy. It reminds me of last summer. Remember last summer? We spent so many days in my back yard, at my house, in my kitchen. Up till dawn with all of our friends. We had all the same friends, you and me. That's how we met. Remember that day we met? I do. I needed help with math. You're very good with math. What's it called. I can't remember. We had a name for it. You and me. We had names for everything. I passed by the place we had our first kiss. That was a good night. I remember everything. everything about us. Our first date. You're family. All those days you spent with me and my family. Dinners at your house. Sunday afternoon naps. I miss waking up to you. Sometimes I don't exactly think you understand how much I miss you. That sometimes, some nights, like tonight, I'll cry when I remember how happy I was with you. It really does frighten me to have that feeling that I'll never love again. And this is starting to sound like bad poetry. I miss practically everything about us. But I'm being totally selfish. We used to stargaze. and right now I'm stargazing alone, and I think, you're there, I'm here, we're looking at the same stars. I see orion's belt. You taught me to spot that one. You would never hurt me. But, I hurt you so many times, and you never let me know. You know we were good together. You were good for me. I'm glad we're friends. But I guess this is closure...in a wierd sense. I guess I'm not completely closing the door. I'm going to close it mostly...but leave it unlocked...so that on the chance that someday we want to go through that door again...it'll be for the long haul. Because I still remember what you said to me that day on the bus when I was falling asleep and I rested my head on your lap and you brushed my hair aside and looked straight into my eyes when everyone else was already asleep and you said "i'm going to marry you someday."I remember now.We called them bleeps. They were satellites. It was the night we had our first kiss. We were sitting outside in your car with the top down. Stargazing.