I Wish You Love

I'm in love with the movie Prime. Changed my outlook on relationships.It feels so good to finally feel and say that I am ok. Finally.Here's the song to the last scene of the movie.I WISH YOU LOVE- RACHAEL YAMAGATAI wish you bluebirds in the springTo give your heart a song to singAnd then a kiss, but more than thisI wish you loveAnd in July a lemonadeTo cool you in some leafy gladeI wish you healthAnd more than wealthI wish you loveMy breaking heart and I agreeThat you and I could never beSo with my bestMy very bestI set you freeI wish you shelter from the stormA cozy fire to keep you warmBut most of all when snowflakes fallI wish you loveMy breaking heart and I agreeThat you and I could never beSo with my bestMy very bestI set you freeI wish you shelter from the stormA cozy fire to keep you warmBut most of all when snowflakes fallI wish you loveBut most of all when snowflakes fallI wish you love.

Insomnia Is Killing Me & No one else is Awake

So I had long deal of bitchin that I wrote down but decided to delete it cause myspace just isn't the place for it.I guess you could say I'm a little frustrated, and a little lonely. It's hard to keep things bottled up inside and it's even more painful when there's no body to talk to about it.Insomnia is killing me...I lie awake just thinking. Trying to fall asleep I look outside and I'm just reminded of how we use to spend the nights together just looking at the midnight sky. But everything's different now. And everything reminds me of you.yeah no one said it would be easy.but why does it have to be this hard?I waited all day...and got nothing.tell me.do i even cross your mind?maybe this song is a little bit more precise in whatever the hell i'm trying to say... gimmie a break it's 3:30 am"tell her that you love hertell her that you need her,tell her that you want her to stay,reassure with a kissshe may never know unless youshow her what your feelingtell her your believineven though it's hard to saycause she know your thinkin of herso open up and tell her that youlove her."

Who Cares If We're Apart For The Big Day It's the Small Ones That Made Me Fall In Love With You

I'm diggin the christmas spirit right now..just wish someone was here to share it with. Some nights can be so lonely ya know? But I guess I just got to tough it through. I don't know. I just miss him a lot...everyday. And it's times like these that hurt the most...nobody said it would be easy.who cares if we're apart for the big days it's the small ones that made mefallinlovewith you.For all of you who have that certain someone in your life that's able to be with you when you need them...don't take it for granted.i wrapped you a presentplaced it under the treeaddressed it to youloved always by me

In A Sentimental Mood

the category should be "romance and relationships...or lack thereof." "I want someone to crush on me like I'm crushing on them"- sheri is so true!It's kinda funny. Someone has already met my standard, and exceeded it. But because that relationship didn't work out doesn't mean I'll lower my standards. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's rare for me to meet someone that meets those standards, and when I do...I dunno...it kinda sucks cause they don't feel the same way. So there it is. Thank you Jamie for telling me how it is. I just wish you would have told me sooner before I went on this crushing tizzy. I didn't want to hear it, but at the same time I needed to hear it, no matter how much it hurt. Yea it put me in a funk for the rest of the night, but at least I know the answer to my questions. As much as I keep telling myself and everyone that I'm going to just forget about it. It's hard. And I don't know how to help myself. I havn't had to for the past 3 years, so It's just a little bit hard to start up again. I just miss that feeling. I want someone to chase me instead. To get excited to see, or talk to me. It's the holidays, and as pathetic as this sounds. I'm feeling a bit lonely. I miss all the little things...holding hands with someone, those warm kisses in the chilly winter night, having someone make me soup when I'm in bed with the flu..(or hung over,lol),taking sunday afternoon naps, sitting at home in pjs watching tv and movies on Christamas morning. Or someone just to be with. All that. I miss. All the little things.And don't give me the, oh you go for jerks, and forget about the good guys crap. Nobody has made any effort to make me aware of their feelings so yes I have every right to say what I'm saying. I dated a nice guy for 2 and half years. So I shit you not when I say, I know what I'm looking for in a guy.I know Edgar is right when he calls me a "faghag". But I am ok with that. I love all my friends, gay or straight. I just don't want to be only that for the rest of my life. He said something that kinda blew my mind the other day actually...something to the extent of "if only there were as many hot straight men that liked you instead of all these gay men." i shit you not. he is right. wtf mate?I wish I knew how to quit you

Just Breathe

people can be fake, and hurtful, and unjustified.people will make promises that will always break.some people...they can lie, and keep things from you, the things that you thought made us what we were.people will fight. people will be small. and you will just have to deal with their egos.and in the end some people will just stop caring.holidays are really starting to suck already.oh format...i was on your porch, the smoke sank into my skin so i came inside to be with you and we talked all night, about everything we could imagine cause come the morning ill be gone and as our eyes start to close i turn to you and i let you know that i love you well my dad was sick and my mom she cared for him her love it nursed him back to life and me i ran, i couldnt even look at him for fear id have to say goodbye and as i start to leave he grabs me by the shoulder and he tells me whats left to lose, youve done enough and if you fail well then you fail but not to us cause these last three years, i know theyve been hard but now its time to get out of the desert and into the sun even if its alone so now here i sit, in a hotel off of sunset my thoughts bounce off of sams guitar and thats the way its been, ever since we were kids but now, now weve got something to prove and i, i can see there eyes but tell me something, can they see mine cause whats left to lose, ive done enough and if i fail well then i fail but i gave it a shot and these last three years, i know theyve been hard but now its time to get out of the desert and into the sun even if its alone i was on your porch last nite, the smoke it sank into my skin

Blue Team Celebrations

"GIVE ME YOUR SUNGLASSES!!!!"-J"Promise you'll sleep?"-S" I'M JAN ADAMS!....I don't need to sleep"-J*zip*-S"NO SEAN NOOOO STOP SEAN WAKE UP!!!"-RS"Don't worry guys....it's o.k...it's OK guys...it's Cheif Polson.."-S"Please state your name and spell your last name for the record."-K"SAM SACHS S-A- seeaeshesssss"-J"YOUR EYES ARE SOOOO BLUE.. SO BLUE."-J"THEY'RE GREEN"-S"SO GREEN!"-J"YOU MADE ME A CAPPUCINO ONCE."-J"I KNOW, I MADE YOU A FEW."-S"YEA I STAYED AWAKE ALLL NIGHT! CAPPUCINO MASTER!"-J(5 minutes later)-"sean...YOU MADE ME A CAPPUCINO ONCE."-J"Hey are there drinks?""Yeah there's soda downstairs"(click)*whistle*-K"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO WHISTLE!!"-J"WOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOooOoOOO!"-J"YOU AREN'T WHISTLING!"-K"SEAN WHO'S WHISTLING?"*Whistle*-J"WoooooOOOOooooOOO"-JI know there are so many more but I can't remember them. lol. These ones stuck though. So fun..

I love

good music.good people.mix the two together and you get one very very very very happy jenny to the los.hey have i mentioned that i love christmas time. oh and fall! and new years! it's the most romantic time of the year. i loooove it! but then again it kinda sucks that i'm alone this year. or does it? oh what the fuck ever. i had a mini revelation today. about the men in my life. errr lack thereof. kinda funny. but hey. it's a start. people are noticing a change in me. i don't want it to become a habit though. i like me the way i am. but i've just been reallly happy lately. eh who knows.oh hey so tracy chapman, and neil young, and the grateful dead and tom petty are absofuckinlutely life changing. love them too.ya dig.

Infatuation Doesn't Do Passion Any Justice

These mindless ramblings need exposure so I can think about other things more important than these...I've been thinking about this as of late, the very reason some of us go day in, and day out just thinking about that person, or in some cases, persons whose lingering presence you refuse to refute from your mind. I'm not sure what this chapter in my life is calling for, whatever relationships it may or may not have in store, but one thing never fails to stand its ground as undeviating as ever, is that: infatuation doesn't do passion any justice.These two entities, Infatuation and Passion are infact intwind. For as much as I may want to believe in the inherent good of myself to see past the physical manifestation, I am unfortunately draw to that aspect of attraction primarily. However, as I've conteplated, I've realized that my affinity to any of the physically attractive is only penultimate to the intellectual. I am in a sense, trying to reason with the burden in my heart, and offer to you, that I am not as shallow as I may appear to be on the outside. This elitist mask is only a defense mechanism to indirectly repudiate those I have no interest in, and am to spineless to refute at face value.In contrast, I will lay the truth that I am a passionate person. In what I study; in my work ethic; in whom I befriend; in what I enjoy; and mainly in whom and what I love. In return I seek those who are as passionate about their lives as I. When I meet that someone, should I know indefinitely? Of course not. Life is centered around learning. I guess at the very core of all this nonsense is that I only wish that I knew who that person was. For it seems that this infatuation, is only the surface of something that could be something greater. But I feel as if the extent of that greatness is impossible to uncover because I don't know how to, and it depresses me like non other.

Pitiful

Love of mine...someday you will die...Deathcab reminds me all too often..and I'm in the mood for some Dashboard, Buble, and maybe cap the night with some some Elvis Costello.It's just one of those fucking nights when you miss everyone, and everything you had. But there's nothing you can do now. Fuck, there's a pit in my stomach. I'm starting to feel as if there's nothing left in California for me. In the deep pit of my heart I know that I'm going to end up where I belong, with the one person I belong too. But, something is drawing me to New York. I'm going to explore this revelation, because I don't want to live the rest of my life not knowing.Remember when you were fine? When you had a rock? When you had a sense of where the hell you were standing? You've gone soft, and frankly you're nothing more than pitiful.

Orbicularis oris

This is not me! I have to quit this. Now I'm really frustrated.I'm going to just wait, now.Wait, for somebody to chase me instead of doing this stupid junior high girly crushing shit.Why am I not interested in guys that are interested in me? Oh I know why...they're douchebags, or perverts. Well, a lot of them...the rest of the time they're just not my type.Oh, and why am I interested in guys that are clueless, or either a million times out of my league? Oh I know, I have high standards. What the fuck?I miss being in a relationship, and having that stability. I see these couples around campus and it really does make me want to vomit. Oh the worse is when these really old married husbands and wives come into Starbucks and are holding hands and on the outside I'm like "awwwww how sweet" when really I'm like "dammit all to hell..." And yet I still find a way to say "How are you two lovebirds doing today?!...what can I get for ya!?" with a fucking smile on my face. When really all I can think in my mind is "get your lovey dovey wishy washy mushy gushy crap outa here.!!!" And then I see this damn highschool couples...I just wanna yell at them for some reason. But ,I have to restrain myself from giving them nasty pitful stares. Bitter? Just a bit. I think this all spawns from a little addiction I like to call envy. It's so much easier to hate people that are in love.(side note: But, really...Is it really necessary to drive a couple miles, get out of your car, walk all the way from the parking lot, into Starbucks, just to make out in front of our pasty case? You do know that thing is see through right? There's no need to be massaging each others' Orbicularis oris' when people are in line to get coffee.) --take a fucking hint.Ehhheem...Back to my point. I'm bitter, and stupid. I'm past the rebound stage finally. I'm tired of these boys. Fuck friends with benefits. Fuck boys who have more estrogen than me. Fuck infactuation. I need a good man. But for now, friends will have to do because I am tired of not being the girl I used to be, that nonchalant, frazzle free jenny to the los. I liked her; I miss her.This is going absolutley no where. But hey, it cleared my mind a bit.

Reisling

In response...I criticize my church because I love it, just as you've probably heard me criticize my country. I believe in the values of my church and the beliefs of my country so much that I want it to live up to its mission and uphold its purpose. For if, we extract self evaluation from our world, we extract the very hope that there is an undeniable good in ourselves that drives our moral responsibility of self betterment. Without that hope, the only thing left for our children is the horrific fallacy that we live a death bound life, distracted from legacy and all things that give meaning to our lives.

Cabernet Sauvignon

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The SurveyName:jenny to the losBirthday:feb 16Birthplace:BrooklynEye Color:brownHair Color:blackHeight:i'm short that's all you need to knowRight Handed or Left Handed:leftyYour Heritage:filipinoThe Shoes You Wore Today:ae loafersYour Weakness:saying noYour Fears:hurting the people I love, and people who lack passionYour Perfect Pizza:anything from Woodstock's in SLOGoal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:peace of mind and heartYour Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:i dunnoThoughts First Waking Up:just 5 more minutes....Your Best Physical Feature:apparently i have thunder thighs :o(Your Bedtime:i don't exactly sleep. if i do. it's never on purpose.Your Most Missed Memory:excuse me while I have an emo moment...i have many. but i cherish them more than miss them.Pepsi or Coke:teaMacDonalds or Burger King:i think i just vomitted in my mouth a littleSingle or Group Dates:hm my love life is pretty much nonexistent. so no comment.Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:shaken green tea lemonade with a splash of straberry and tangerine sauce on topChocolate or Vanilla:chocolateCappuccino or Coffee:machiattoDo you Smoke:noDo you Swear:usually no, but I can cuss up a storm if I'm provokedDo you Sing:horriblyDo you Shower Daily:sometimes twiceHave you Been in Love:yesDo you want to go to College:I definitely want to finish college, and law school.Do you want to get Married:DefinitelyDo you belive in yourself:yes (in the most unpompous jackassy kind of way)Do you get Motion Sickness:sometimes on a plane...especially when there are mutherf$@%$%$ snakes on the mailto:motherf$@$@@ plane!!!Do you think you are Attractive:i think i look like a boy.Are you a Health Freak:I don't have time anymore.Do you get along with your Parents:More than ever. Quite ironically...Do you like Thunderstorms:indifferent.Do you play an Instrument:Too many...too mediocreIn the past month have you Drank Alcohol:Yup.In the past month have you Smoked:Nope.In the past month have you been on Drugs:I'm HIGH ON LIFE BABY!!!In the past month have you gone on a Date:uH? I dont think so.In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Yup.In the past month have you eaten Sushi:HELL YEAH!In the past month have you been on Stage:Does the pit count?In the past month have you been Dumped:Sorta kinda.In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:uh. no. it's fresno. yes i'll go skinny dipping in the man made meth needle infested lake.In the past month have you Stolen Anything:nope.Ever been Drunk:you don't even know.Ever been called a Tease:nope. i don't like games.Ever been Beaten up:I'm sbux's bitch. what do you think? lol.i'm just joshin yaEver Shoplifted:I think when I was 7?How do you want to Die:Saving a life.What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Genuinely happy.What country would you most like to Visit:ItalyIn a Boy/Girl..Favourite Eye Color:GreenFavourite Hair Color:don't careShort or Long Hair:don't careHeight:don't care.Weight:don't care.Best Clothing Style:they just have to know when to look appropriate. i dig chill guys. none of that pop ya collar douchebaggy kind of crapNumber of Drugs I have taken:does my enhaler count?Number of CDs I own:too many.Number of Piercings:two. soon to be three!!!Number of Tattoos:nada.Number of things in my Past I Regret:I only regret the things that I don't learn from.

Chianti riserva

Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth. For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures, and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love.- Francis BaconI feel like cuddling up in a loft, turning on some skanky ass blues, grabbing the texts, and maybe a glass of bardolino.this chianti riserva is meant for two...

Pinot Noir

Sooooo pretty jazzymcshnazzzy day I must say.It's feels so much better to be feeling better ya dig? That nothing can really get you down. No matter how many rude customers you get, or how many things may try to go wrong, or how many tests you have, or how many things you need to get done, your spirit is still soaring. What a deal. It does help when you're tweaking on coffee so that's always a plus. I think I'm destined for arthritis in the future? HIGH FIVE! Just got cancer. Just now. I mean right this second. Oh but wait...still smiling :D Man I've been saying hella corny and crazy things today. Exhibit A. But that's alrighty because I'm just so excited. For what? I don't know.I know it's still September but I'm already getting into the Christmas spirit. It's my favorite season. It's sad that for the first time in 4 years I'll be spending my Christmas alone. Then again it's even sadder that I'm already thinking of Christmas when neither Thanksgiving or Halloween have come. (2 equally delicious..errr... I mean MEANINGFUL days). Well not technically alone. But without a boyfriend. I think the only thing that I'm really stuggling with is seeing all these couples on campus. Kissing, hugging, holding hands, smiling, being genuinely happy. Makes me want to vomit in my mouth. lol No, not exactly. Just slit my writs. HAHA I kid I kid. joke. icebreaker. lol. Well, no I guess I'm just feeling a little nostalgic at times. I'm not used to instablity.But it's such an awesome thing to have such kick ass friends in your life. So I've just got to give a shout out to a few because...damn...I'm so luck to have them. Jealous?Carlos: My Soulmate. No matter how many challenges face us, no matter what happens in our relationship we always have that solid foundation of friendship that can't ever be shaken. I could go on and on and on...and on about how much you mean to me, and how much you've changed me but you already know that. I would not be me, if you hadn't come into my life. You came into my life teaching me things (yes i still remember the day we met :D ), and continue to teach me about life and love and truth. Thank you.Eugene: My rock. Had it not been for you, I would probably have dropped out of college by now. LOL. Thank you for always lending an ear, a shoulder, and being truthful, and never judgemental. (Well to me that is) lol.Chris: You're the fat that makes my LOVEhandles. lol. What would I do without you. Well I'd probably be skinny. lol. Through all the stupid shit we go through in life I'm glad to have you by my side the entire way. You're that person that's right next beside me saying "Damn that was fucking awesome." I wouldn't have it any other way.Prescila: HIGH FIVE. gave you cancer. I'm pretty sure without you I'd probably have no morals. Thanks for keeping me grounded, and keeping me sane.JustinoMichaelRyanCurtis: aka Jennifer's boo. Damn. Crazy mother effer. But you are settling down now with your love and I will always admire you for that.Candi: Thanks for the sex talk. I'm pretty sure without you I'd be going to heaven, but hey I'll take hell with you anyday. lol.SBUX FAMILY: Seriously. Some of you are the sweetest people I have ever met in my entire life. It brightens my day working with you guys. Sheri: I will miss you like whoa when you leave to SF. You've been like a big sis to me. Always looking out for me, and giving me advice. Matt: Like my big bro. Telling me about boys and such. Shelby: Seriously, We've shared a bed together how close can we really get? lol. JENNIFERCURTIS: you married like my craziest friend. You get props soley for that yo. AndrewfreakinOlsen: ok. you're like the annoying little brother who's bigger than me. but then again. you're still chill and you still listen when I complain about my silly boy problems. Kristi: my goodness, what would I do without you. I'd probably be arrested or pregnant by now. lol. Thank you for all the motherly advice. CHRISTINA!!!: what's up motherfucker?!?!?!!!! seriously there's nothing I can say but you're the s to the hit.I'm sure there's more people I need to thank. But there is wine to drink...

A Life Inspired

It's true what they say about life...that when it hits rock bottom there's only one way to go...Well, I'll be honest with the world for once, I've hit the bottom. Somehow I managed to plow through life's penultimate core and hit the very dense world of tortourous emotional grandeur. Some may call this a relapse in my time of growth, and some may call me a cry baby, but I see it more of as a very rude, and very due awakening.It's funny but the last thing I have to say is that my phone is broken after all those times I dropped it. It was finally forced to bite back and say fuck this. So email is the best way to get a hold of me. Call me a narsascist, a romantic, even an egoist. I am all those things. But I'm changing for the better. I'm changing finally. I lied before, but this is the truth. It's time to follow up on my goals. No more procrastination. This year is going to be unbelieveable. You'll see.

Change

Francois de la Rochefoucauld once said that "the only thing constant in life is change."how true.So, it's funny how today kept repeating itself. Never in my entire life have I gone through a mutual breakup and have it become so positive and healthy. But, I just wanna say that I love my friends, even though everyone of them said something along the lines of ..."damn, jenny you look like shit, what's wrong?"Apparently I felt like shit, and looked the part too. I guess when I look bad...I REALLY look BAD. It's going to be pretty wierd, and rough so please bare with me. I'm still having a hard time ridding my self of that "you dumbass you just made the biggest mistake of your life" feeling. So if you say something to me, and I start crying randomly, don't think you did anything wrong. You probably just reminded me of something that I miss.I think the second hardest part about this whole thing, is telling people over and over and over...and over...........and over again. And getting the same shock and awe.. and pity reactions over and over again. I just wanna make something very clear, there's nothing to feel sorry about. It was the happiest 2 years, 4 months and 7 days of my life. I've realized what I need, I grew, and in the end I found my soul mate. So, what could anyone be sorry for? I know what I want in the future, and I know what I want now. I know who and what kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. And I realize my limitations in this present reality.But , I did some post truamatic break up therapy with my madre. And splurged on jeans and sweaters at AE. Love that store. Bought a new suit for mock trial and kick ass kicks to match. Oh and I donated my hair to Locks of Love.Change can be good. Hard, rough, painful, heartbreaking, but very good.

The "Perks" of Dating a Starbucks Barista.

(courtesy of topher) yeah it's dirty but it cracked me up. I mean...we're just that good at pumping mocha. jealous much?1. Because we're used to whipped cream.2. We make everything extra hot.3. We know how to keep you up in the morning.4. We won't fall asleep afterwards.5. We thank and worship you over and over, even if we know you don't deserve it!6. No body grinds like we do.7. The thing's we make are soooo delicious.8. You ALWAYS find Mocha, Whip cream, caramel or some other deleciousness on some part of our body.9. Give you enough creame so you won't complain.10. Because we always gladly do it agian if you arnt satisfied and thank you with a smile.11. Because we stay fresh for an hour and only need 4 minutes to re-brew.12. We will always give you stuff that you LOVE to slurp and swallow.13. We Give "Legendary" Service.14. We wipe our steam wands with a towl when we finish steaming your pitcher.15. Because our aprons aren't just useful in the store, but also in the bedroom; easy to take off, clean up small spills/stains, provide easy access to...everything!

Crack Babies

So I really do love, how pulling all nighters just comes so natural to me these days. Then again it really makes it a whole lost easier to have a starbucks in your backyard.Anywhoooo today was awesome! Work went by excruciatingly slow. lol. But the people are still bomb so it was still fun. Went to a bbq for mock trial, and just chilled and got to know some really cool people on the team. This team, this year, is going to be off the hook. Then went to hookah and chilled with the homies. Bryant and B are always tight. And got to see my favorite fatty of all time chris. I love that kid like a baby loves her crack.Anyways. Life has been crazy busy. I never know when I have time to hang out anymore, so it's just going to have to be a spur of the moment kind of thing like tonight from now on. Even though I'm only taking 5 classes, I'm involved in a bunch of extra curricullar org. and clubs at school, so if I'm not in class, I'm at work, and if I'm not at work I'm in a meeting, and if I'm not in a meeting I'm at an event and if I'm not at an event I'm at work... you get it.And at the end of the day, I'm still happy cause it finally feels like I'm getting something accomplished. Ok well the whole point of thise stupid thing is to in someway bid adieu to the extent of my myspacing. Must cut down because I'm wasting to much time on this thing. So, farewell my babies.

Comfortably Numb

If you've ever watched the movie Someone Like You you'll know what I mean."There are few things sadder in life than watching the distance from the one you love, expand and grow until there is nothing left but space and silence."It perfectly describes the feeling I have towards some friends of mine. Sad but inevitable. But I'm happy that I've reconnected with old friends I had lost touch with.The new school year has finally arrived. I apologize if I'm hard to reach. Please have patience.I'm doing all this because I've got a secret hope that it'll pay off in the end. It's selfish but only human.Life has gotten crazy.Like it's going a million miles a minuteIt's as I left it.

hi

hello bloggy

Superfluous

hmm...It really doesn't help that my parents have no faith in me but that's alright, I can understand why. I've done alot of things that merit no trust, but I feel as if they're making me out to be some sort of psychotic mass murderer. Just taking it one step over the edge of cruelty; exaggerating my wrongdoings. But lately, I've found myself not caring anymore, and I don't know how to interpret this. Am I growing cold, and rebelious, or is this the real me, just maturing? I feel drawn to neither of the aforementioned, but simultaneously feel as though this is what was meant to be.I know what I can handle, and I have no intention of backing down from any of my endevours. I don't feel the need to compromise anything I'm passionate for in order pacify my parents needs for security.

Random Crap

I like people who feel comfortable in their own skin.I don't like people who wear make-up just to go swimming. it cakes up. and you end up looking redllightdistrictesqueI like people who have pictures with meaning and memory.I like people who take care of friends when they black out.I like people who laugh a lot and dance a lot and sing alot when they're drunk and moreso when they're sober.I don't like these girls on myspace who look like their 12 and feel the need to post raunchy pictures of themselves with the classic "OMG OOPS! I LOOK LIKE A WHORE " facial expression. You all know what I'm talking about. *my beach pictures are tasteful and isn't the reflection of me in the mirror with my camera and my tits and ass hangin out*I like people with good teeth, and overall good hygene.I hate it when people have yellow teeth and plaque. (BIG PET PEEVE) and like to take pictures showing they're poorly conditioned teeth.I hate it when people take pictures of themselves with a mirror and their hand helf up high with the camera flash, looking at a corner then photoshoping every imperfection pretnding like they're artistic and au naturale with "no makeup on" . I just do. cliche girls. get over you damn selves!I hate split ends.I hate restrictions.I like starbucks and my coworkers.I love the occasional hookah.I think oystershots is what the devil's shit would taste like.I want to fly away to an exotic land and study. and live.I want a lot of material things. And I will get them but I won't loose my sense of self and diginity.I will be independent.

Kinepela-Jennifer

ALOHA!!!k so let me just vent a lil...We arrived in hawaii a day late cause stupid fuckin United Airlines bailed on us twice. We left from LAX flew 40 minutes out to the pacific then turned around because of an electrical failure.They "fixed it" got everyone on board again, then told us to get off AGAIN because they did a final engine test that FAILED and so they had to take the plane out of service. How lame is that. They put us up in the la quita inn and didn't give us our luggage. blah blah blah it was a mess and that was the only stressful part besides coming back and forgetting where we parked the car in the LAX 3square mile parking lot. oh and the really really bad man wth b.o. that i had to sit by in the back corner of the plane next to the restroom.sidenote: if you are flying please be effing curtious of the poor people around you and use freakin deoderant to mask your rancid odour. shit man...5hours of that is unbearable!k on to the good part.We stayed on the Big Island of Hawaii. We rented a cute little villa surrounded by lava rocks and stuff in Waikiloa, i'm sure i spelled that wrong. Marino called it a barren wasteland. When we got there we were so hungry so we just ate at the first place we saw in Kona which just happened to be one of the best joints in Kona. Huggoz on the Rocks. Beautfiul sunset dinner, live hawaiian music and hula dancer. HIGHLIGHT: taking oystershots. haha. i will have pictures of that soon.What else..We took surf lessons from this tight local named Dante who had some narly battle wounds and some sick hawaiian tribal tatoos. Yah, I suck major balls at surfing, but it was so much fun anyways. Yeah he mentioned that the pervious lesson he gave there was a shark that he attracted cause his cuts were fresh and he was attracting them. We also saw a giant sea turtle just kinda chillin on the surface which was cool.We also went snorkling. We saw a giant sea turtle and pet it. But then learned that we arn't supposed to. But it wa cool anyways lol. We kayaked a mile out to Captian Cooks monument, saw really awesome spinner dolphins doing summersaults in the air. Once we reached the monument we went snorkling there too. It was beautiful. Got slammed pretty hard on the rocks and got a few cuts and scrapes from the damn sea urchines. Saw some really cool fish. but shieet i've got battlewounds lol.Went to the volcanoes and craters. Saw some lava steam and smoke. It was pretty coool. Went to the hotsprings. Shopping in Kona is awesome.The beaches were so beautiful. We spent alot of time in Hapuna and White sand beach because that where most of the skimboarding is. Got a nice lil golden tan. We also visited some black sand beaches and salt and pepper beaches. but my favorties were the white sand.Every night there was a beautiful sunsent and the nigh sky was filled with so many stars.I'll pictures up soon enough but for now that is all.Hawaii was nothing short of perfect.

Thinking Aloud

What is it about the human psychological chronicle that makes us so attuned to our incessant need to doubt, second guess, and back stab our own notions of reality or for the lack of better words our ideal? Its been bothering me as of late, the very reasons why people change, and I struggle nonetheless with my own demons as to why I, myself am changing. I was content, in my numbingly ambient happiness. So why the fuck couldnt I just continue to placate Fate, God, the Great Spirit, whatever the heck lies beyond that Ultimate Divine, and stay subdued. I was happy wasnt I? Or was I content with being unfulfilled. Id like to believe that I wasnt, and that I was meant to serve for a higher purpose in society other than my automatic consumption of selfish post Neanderthal needs. Dont get me wrong, I refute any and all allegations that I am subjected to religion. I do not mean a higher purpose as in a servant, but in Realitys terms; in our own, psychically tangible universe, I was meant for something more. But, now I find myself floating between that relentless haze of alcohol consumption where I usually end up saying oh fuck, what the hell did I do last night?! and my undisputed controversy between my ethics and indulgences. Could it be that my ethical reasoning is the thing that is ever changing? Maybe its just the fact that I want to know where Im going, see into the future, and know what the fuck am I supposed to do. Cause all I want to do and say to the universe is fuck this shit.

Thinking Aloud

What is it about the human psychological chronicle that makes us so attuned to our incessant need to doubt, second guess, and back stab our own notions of reality or for the lack of better words our ideal? Its been bothering me as of late, the very reasons why people change, and I struggle nonetheless with my own demons as to why I, myself am changing. I was content, in my numbingly ambient happiness. So why the fuck couldnt I just continue to placate Fate, God, the Great Spirit, whatever the heck lies beyond that Ultimate Divine, and stay subdued. I was happy wasnt I? Or was I content with being unfulfilled. Id like to believe that I wasnt, and that I was meant to serve for a higher purpose in society other than my automatic consumption of selfish post Neanderthal needs. Dont get me wrong, I refute any and all allegations that I am subjected to religion. I do not mean a higher purpose as in a servant, but in Realitys terms; in our own, psychically tangible universe, I was meant for something more. But, now I find myself floating between that relentless haze of alcohol consumption where I usually end up saying oh fuck, what the hell did I do last night?! and my undisputed controversy between my ethics and indulgences. Could it be that my ethical reasoning is the thing that is ever changing? Maybe its just the fact that I want to know where Im going, see into the future, and know what the fuck am I supposed to do. Cause all I want to do and say to the universe is fuck this shit.

Vodka

i miss being evil. and being a nasty bitch to complete strangers just because it's tuesday and i don't like their hair. and the best part them never knowing. i miss pretending i'm from the U.K. and saying fuck just for the sake of the english accent. oh i how i miss it. i miss being groped by my quai-lesbian lovers. i miss pigging out on the notorious turtle cookies, who have all crawled their way to my thunder thighs and booty. i miss coding every thing that walks into the usu with two legs and a penis. muhahaha. i'm going to hell. but of course i miss table. i am out of school now and bored. and need table comfort. ok maybe southern comfort will do. be we all know what happens when jenny looses her inhibition...er consciousness...bad things happen. and i end up saying what the fuck did i do last night as i wake up to a passed out shivering black man on my couch, sticky spots of who the hell knows what on random areas of my tile, and a house full of empty bottles of alcohol that i paid for but did not even get to consume. damn. my life could be a parody. or a manual of what not to do when your parents leave and your left with a window to beautiful freedom, where you roll in the feilds of alcohol consumption. i think i should publish my memoirs.find more at my new bloggy

Change Is The Only Thing That Is Constant

So there are a few things that I really want to do. And well I don't really think I care anymore about what people think, I'm just going to do it. Life's to short to always make choices based on what other people think.The first is that I want a navel ring. It's just something I've always wanted to get. I don't know why, some people may think it looks slutty, but I think it can be sexy and tasteful. I don't care anymore, it's what I want. I never said anything to you when you got 3 extra ear pericings and a looked like a mudda fuggin vamp. Did I?!Second, I'm getting my M Class so I can learn to drive a bike and maybe someday have my own. I've wanted one since highschool, and I think I've always put it off because my parents have never been very supportive of a girl driving a bike. They're old fashioned if you didn't know and the fact that I wanted a longboard for my birthday was appalling to them. But once I get a stable job I'm getting that lisence and that bike. I hate labels.Third, I want to move out. Next school year, I want to live on my own, get my own place, or with roomates. But, I just want to see what it's like by myself. I think it's about time.

And so it is. Life goes easy on me.

So these past 4 days have been a blast. I just can't believe how much fun I had. This summer is going to rock. why? cause I have the greatest friends in the world. Maybe I went a little crazy...but hey it was all worth it, and I'm glad I experienced it at least once..er twice . I just don't know what I'd do without my friends. I mean they take care of me when I can't stand on my own feet....literally. Just wanted to let you all know that they are pretty much the bomb.com. Life is pretty swell. Summer school ain't that bad after all. I'll be done in 3 weeks the prof is awesome. A month break. Vacation in the Dominican. One more summer school class then get to start my second year of college. Too bad i couldn't be a counsellor for la sierra that would have rocked. But next year is going to be cool. anyways woot woot

My Friend Mike

Mike Fogolin
May 26, 2004

I had just remembered last friday was Mike's 2 years in heaven. I miss him so much. I went to school with him in Canada. If the name Fogolin sounds familiar, and you follow hockey, it because his father was Lee Fogolin, former captian of the Edmonton Oilers. He was one of the greatest guys I'll ever know. Always had a smile on his face, and always took time out for his friends no matter how busy he was. And I'll always regret never telling him how much I valued his friendship. He was one of those guys that had it all going for him, and was still humble and thankful for everything he had. He had such a bright future. NHL was surely in his path. But, regretfully his heart stopped beating. Just suddenly his life was taken away in his sleep that Wednesday night. I miss you Mike. Thank you for blessing my life.

Procrastination At It's Best

1. Name: Jenny2. Nicknames: jennay, shaniqua b latoya, jennytookapoopoo, prettygirl(i'm not conceided that's what los calls me :D) , canadian pinay, 3. Feet size: 7- 7 1/s4. Do you have a crush: yes.5. Girlfriend/Boyfriend? yes6. Age you act: depends on who i'm around.7. Where Do You Live: Clovisizzle8. Where you want to live: anywhere i'm happy9. Birthplace: Brooklyn, NY10. Favorite Salad Dressing: that stuff in chinese chicken salsa11. Ever gone skinny dipping? no.12. What are you watching? nothing. just finished watching grey's ...so sad.13. Last person you talked to? the parentals14. Favorite movie: life is beautiful (yes it's in italian!)15. Favorite Book: Angels & Demons- Dan Brown16. Favorite Type of music: jazz. not that shitty smooth jazz. i'm talkin real inovative, creative jazz bitch.17. Favorite types of cars: mercedes clk compressor automoatic in midnight black. haha nooooo jp. it would have to be the Suzuki Ninja yellow and black. 18. Favorite Saying: ARE WE FIGHTING? ARE WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW!! WE NEVER HOLD HANDS!!!! YOU NEVER BRING ME FLOWERS ANYMORE!!19. Favorite Fast Food: in n out20. Favorite Ice Cream: none. i like gelato :D straciatella!!21. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: jager bombs, and wine, and absinthe lol22. When Do You Go To Sleep: whenever i pass out from doing hw or studying23. Most Embarrassing Moment: ...no comment..24. Stupidest Person you know: Ed. haha no jp. probably....ed. haha jk.25. Funniest Person you know: the table26. Favorite holiday: Christmas27. Favorite Food: sushi28. Favorite Song: There are too many...right now i'm obsessed with Michael Buble's You Don't Know Me.29. Favorite Television Show: GREYS ANATOMY... DUH!!30. Favorite Radio Station: radio pshh. maybe b95 cause you know how krunk i am...31. Favorite junk food: tutles32. Favorite sappy love song: Only Hope...mandy moore. shut up. don't judge you know you like it too.33. Favorite Drink: didn't we go over this already? haha jp. Hmm...Italian Sodas from the PUBizzle34. Favorite article of clothing: cozy long sleeve tshirtsSECTION TWO:The Future1. School: Penn State Dickenson School Of Law, or UCDavis Law School2. Where You Want To Live: anywhere i am happy with my los3. How Many Kids You Want: muchos bebes. 4 maybe 54. What Kind Of Job You Want: Jennifer Carlos Attorney at Law, and peace corps advocate.5. 5 years from now? Either in Peace Corps of Law School6. 10 years from now?: Married. Pregnant? who knows. or PracticingSECTION THREE: Have You Ever..1. Done Drugs: No2. Run Away From Home: Ha tried when i was 5 ...packed a shirt and a juice box in my beauty and the beast purple lunch box but wan't strong enought to unlock the door...yeah i was special3. Hit A Girl: Yes.4. Lied: No. ;)5. Stolen: Probably somebody's turtle.6. Broken A Bone: Nope.7. Cheated On A Test: Yes.8. Cheated On A girlfriend/boyfriend: Technically yes.9. Gotten Drunk: Noooooo i don't get drunk. I hold my alchohol very well....10. Been With Two guys/girls At Once: Oh yes everyday....AT THE TABLE! my euge and justina11. Been In The Hospital: Yes. to many times. haha12. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: Yes.13. Fell asleep in the shower/bath: Yes.14. Gone to Church: Yes.15. Never slept during a night: USC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and finals week16. Ever been on a motorcycle: Yes!!17. Been to a camp: La Sierra Band Camp baby!!!18. Sat in a restaurant w/o ordering: probably19. Seen someone die: No.20. Gone a week w/out shaving: haha. ew but yes.21. Didn't wash your hair for a week: No. 22. Broken something valuable: Yes. my phone.23. Thought you were in love: Yes, and I was right.24. Streaked the streets: hm how about no25. Screamed at someone for no reason: YES!!!!!26. Said I love you and meant it: Yes27. Been hurt by a guy/girl you loved(deeply cared bout): Yes.28. Stayed up till 4 am on the phone: haha yes.29. Pulled a prank? Yes30. Made fun of someone? no lol are you retarded or something?SECTION FOUR:Which Is Better..1. Coke Or Pepsi: can't tell the difference.2. Cats Or Dogs: puppies3. DVDs or VHS: dvd4. Deaf Or Blind: this is a terrible question. neither5. Pools Or Hot Tubs: ocean6. Television Or Radio: greys7. CDs Or MP3's: my lil geeky red mp38. Apples or oranges: mangos9. Strawberries or Blueberries: kiwies10. Gold or silver: diamonds11. Vanilla or chocolate: both12. Movies or music: music13. Park or Beach?: Beach14. Hot or Cold weather? Cold15. Sunset or Sunrise? SunsetSECTION FIVE:When is the Last Time You..1. Took a shower: and hour ago2. Cried: 2 hours ago. GREy'S ANATOMY OMG DENNY!!!NOOO!!3. Watched a Disney movie: it's been a while4. Given/gotten a hug: today5. Been to the movies: take the lead. a few weeks ago6. had a boy/girlfriend: still have my boy7. kissed someone: too long ago...8. Said I love you: today9. danced: salsa? 2 weeks ago. danced like being retarded danced? all the time.10. did a survey like this: uhm. long ago in the xanga days.SECTION SIX:What is..1. Your Fondest Memory Of This year: can't narrow. if i had to choose. my 2 year anniversary with los.2. Your Most Prized Possession: cell phone.3. The Thing That Makes You The Happiest: los4. Your Favorite Food For Breakfast: eggs benedict5. Your Favorite Food For Dinner: filipino food!!6. Your Favorite Slow Song: When You Say You Love Me...Josh Groban.7. Your Ideal BF/GF?: Carlos. he's not ideal. He's PERFECT!SECTION SEVEN:What do i feel about...1. Bill Clinton: hero. and pimp.2. Love at First site: No. that is called infactuation my friend. or people watching...or hmm eye raping...3. Abortion: Neutral4. Smoking: I'm asthmatic you think i'm retarded also?5. Death: OMG DENNY NO!!!!6. Rap: i'm always krunk son7. Marilyn Manson: ruined tainted love that bitch.8. Premarital sex: not for me but i won't anyone who has.9. Suicide: a damn shameINFORMATION1. full birth name: not for you creepy stalkers to know yeah i'm talking to you muddafuggas!!2. hair color: black3. eye color: brown4. current height: beats me5. glasses/contacts: neither6. birthdate: not for you creepy stalkers to know7. ethnicity: FILIPINO!!!!!8. religion: undecided.9. current age: 8910. siblings:uno11. siblings age: 2112. location: of what. SOCIAL1. best girl friend: the table girls2. current crush: carlos3. boyfriend/girlfriend:carlos4. are u center of attention or wallflower: neither.5. what type automobile do u drive: ha funny story...6. are u timely or always late: usually late.7. do u have a job: No8. do u like being around people: no i'm anti social9. hobbies: i don't really have hobbies they're more like obsessive passions... like salsa and working out and skiingLOVE1. have u ever loved someone u had no chance with? No2. have u ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did? yes3. do u have a "type" of person u always go after: no4. want someone u don't have right now? no5. ever liked a close guy/girlfriend? haha yes..6. are u lonely right now? i miss los7. ever afraid u'll never get married? no8. do u want to get married? yes9. do u want kids? yes muchos bebes10. would you rather love or be loved? bothFAVORITES1. room in house: none. i like the backyard2. type of music: anything3. location for dates: picnic in woodward...or brauns ice crea ;)4. memory: being asked to prom5. day of the week: friday salsa night! well not sunday salsa night and tuesday salsa nights..any salsa night really.6. color: yellow and red7. perfume or cologne: Lacoste Femme8. flower: yellow roses. 9. month: February10.season: winter11. Band: U2 In the last 48 hours have you..1. cried: yes2. bought something: spicy chicken burrito3. gotten sick: no4. sang: haha yes5. said i love u: Yes6. wanted to tell someone u loved them but didn't: no7. met someone new: yes today that girl at the round table and henry in chem8. moved on?: huh retarded9. talked to someone: yes10. had a serious talk: Yes11. missed someone: all the time12. hugged someone: Yes13. kissed someone: No14. fought with your parents: no15. dreamed about someone u can't be with: No16. had a lot of sleep: no17. wanted this survey to be over: eh ok

Peace Corps

I've always planned on going to law school right after college. But I think the tides are changing and I'm thinking of putting it off and volunteering for the Peace Corps.I could go to the Philippines and serve in their educacation, or environmental conservation or buisness development programs. Plus, I'd have a bunch of family living there.Or I could go to Swaziland or South Africa to fight the AIDS epidemic..who knows...Somethings just missing from life..and i can't pin point it right now. But this is something I definitely want to do.

On Immigration and Ignorance

A warning to those who don't like to discuss politics or can't handle responding to other people views in an intellectual way. I will just delete any comment that is offensive to either side.Now hopefully by now you know about the controversial issue on immigration, and have some sense on why it is an important issue to discuss. I've been reading some of these bullitens on myspace from people, who for their lack of understanding on the issue, and in their sheer juvenille state have decided to post bullitens saying "wear black, protest the boycott" , or "where white, support immigrants". Now I have absolutely no problem with people voicing their opinion, if they can back their claims up. That is what gets me pissed off really, it's these people who think they know what the hell they're talking about when they can't even give you a reason as to why they think and say "President Bush is right". And when I ask them I get the "uhh...dehhh..uhh... cause he's our President." Mother fucking bullshit!! Learn to backup your claims, do your research, or just shut up when you're talking to somebody who is actually passionate about the issue at hand! And it's not only when people complain about immigration but about any other subject.Another thing. I absolutely, completely, 100% hate it when people say "it doesn't concern me." YES IT DOES!!! Even if you are an American citizen, Immigration affects YOU! Yes YOU! To say that is just utter ignorance. When there are 12 million illegal immigrants residing in the U.S. , and the economic basis of our nation relying on immigrants it affects YOU!I am personally split on this issue. Why? Because our Immigration policy has gotten so out of hand due to our government's polarization and paralysis on the issue. And in response to that bulliten that said "America has a great citizenship program," why don't you read the bylaws, and regulations on being naturalized before you make that claim. Just a thought. AND it isn't even the citizenship progam it's the immigration program that you should be adressing!!!! Nobody did anything until it became a national calamity. If you would like to know more message me. Feel free to share your views.

Salsa Night Vintage Days 06

Last night was incredible. Had such a blast. Came early to help set up. Ended up really beautiful kinda like a midnight tropical rendevous. The band was sizzling, and there were some awesome guest dj's spinning too. The preformances were hott! The tango, the cha cha cha, and of course salsa. Helped out with the H20 a little, then it was time to hit the dance floor! The night was mucho caliente. Can't really describe how much fun it was!Got to dance with my favorite rico, and my old buds. Love to my euge, and patrick, and all those who came. Euge is so fly. spread that eagle. Hot music, Hott people. What could be better? So I leave you with some pictures.My guys..fsu salseros actin curazy backstage before the preformance..They like to pretend they're models..uhm...no...lol...but they're all STUDS!!!!haha bryan's face. what is kevin doin?haha pop the collar.suavemente...
damn.wish i could do this..
bravissimothat's all for now, my feet hurt like mad.

And Ode To The Nice Girls- Reprise

guess i need to vent.It's interesting really, how people change. I've realized that this year. So much has changed for the better and for the worse. Unfortunately a lot has changed for the worse that I don't know where I went wrong. On one end I've gotten so much closer to two of my friends,and have also gained so many new friends that I don't how I ever lived without. But, on the other end, certain people that I thought I really knew just change. They change in the way the act, the way the treat others, everything that I grew to love about them just changed. But then again, did I really know them? I mean, did I really know who they really were? Or was everything just an act, a mask, a lie? Was I fooled, or did I just fail to see past the good times, and laughs that we always shared? Whatever happened, I realize that people change. And no matter how much it may hurt, or how much you may hate it, the fact is life goes on, with or without them, you just move on. I guess that's just a part of life. People move away, you promise to always be there for each other, to never change who we are, but somehow we always seem too. It's just human nature, we can't ever promise to never change. We can promise however, to never change our morals. And therin lies the irony. It's a damn shame. Because what are we supposed to do? Say "fuck it" and eat some more ice cream. Tomorrow's a new day. One more day you know that you lived not hidden behind lies. If that's the case, more power to you, some people may never be at peace with themeselves.

An Ode To The Nice Girls

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the rite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared, as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mind games, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intramural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a tee shirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hung over best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl So don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

Buongiorno

Today I went to the Poverella House to help with lunch with some pretty awesome people from the Salsa Club. It really made me think, of what I want out of life. Seeing all those people, with practically nothing. It made me very sad, especially seeing the kids starving, just waiting to be fed, their clothes soaked through, and shivering because of the rain. It made me very thankful of my parents, and where and how I live. It also helped me realize what I really want to acomplish. You would never think that the smallest act could in return give back to you ten fold of what you gave in. As I was trying to get some homework done I kept getting side tracked, because I kept thinking, day dreaming. I don't know why it hit me so hard, it just did.So I've made a few additions and placed more emphasis on some of the goals I've achieved thus far, or want for this year.Philanthropy, Scholastic Organizations:- Volunteer at the Poverella House every Saturday- Volunteer at with Buddy Systems every Wednesday or Thursday- Volunteer for Big Brothers Big Sisters org.- Volunteer at Children's Hospital, or community hospital- Get an internship at and established, legitimate law firm (preferably McCormick Barstow)- Get more involved with AS: run for Senator of Social Sciences or Vice President next year. Committee chair openings?- Run for Vice President of Phi Alpha Delta next week.- Take less classes next semester. (preferably 18 units max)Personal Endeavours:- Learn Italian; take a class next semester- Take Latin Dance, and Ballroom Dance- Try out for the Salsa Preformance Team at the end of this semester- Get a job- Work out 3-4 times a week.- Book 3 local bands for the pit

Me Encanta Salsa

So I don't know how I ever lived without it. It's something that just flows and feels so natural. The reason why I enjoy salsa more than any other dance is because..well...it's sexy. Plain and simple. It's not like when you go clubbing at red room and you see these two people dry humping on a wall and it makes you say "uh whaaaa?". Salsa, is way sexier than that. No matter what age it's so much fun to learn, and it's quick to pick up. It's especially fun when you find a guy that has a really sexy style, and basically very experienced, and he teaches you all these moves that make you and the people around you just go "WOW!" You get a really good feeling, and it just makes you wanna keep dancing becuase you get so much energy from your partner. It's different from ballroom. I love ballroom dancing let me say that, my parents used to compete and tried for years to get me to try but I just didn't care too much for it. Unlike salsa ballroom is very repetitive and proper. Whereas in salsa you use more creativity, and you can develop your own style. It's such a refreshing change, I'm in love with it. You meet so many cool people, professionals, students, and even mechanical engineer professors! Tonight I met this guy that is actually teaching at buchanan because apparently they have a latin dance group now. He is a....wild dancer to say the least. But, that's only because he's very passionate about what he does.Dips, Spins, Holds, Crossover doohickys, so many combinations, it can get intense. I can honestly say that for my second time, I already know that this is something that I wanna do for the rest of my life. It's also very encouraging when you get compliments from people on how quick you learn. I guess it's really helpful when you have some background in music. Of course I must give some advice to the guys out there. Wanna learn how to win over the ladies? Learn to dance. My preference...salsa duh. It makes the girl feel less like your sex toy such as when your grindin in the club, and more like your sexy Goddess. And girls, just try it. Yes, be careful there are some chumps out there that just go to pick up chicks, so be aware. But, everyone needs to experience it at least once! You won't regret it.

And We Danced the Night Away...

So, I really must say that the Viennese Ball at Stanford greatly exceeded my expectations of a great time. First off, My dad and I made it to Palo Alto in a record two hours. Unfortunately we got lost for a half hour getting to Stanford. Anyways, we arrive at FroSoCo (Carlos' dorm a.k.a. Freshman Sophomore College) to find Carlos standing on outside waiting for us. So totally did a James Bondish move and jumped out of the car while it was moving and tackled him. I missed him so much. It was so good to see him after two months of just talking on the phone. I wasn't about to let a moving car get in the way! After mucho hugs and kisses, we ran up to the his room to get dressed for the ball. Luckily I got my hair done after school, and did my make-up in the car on the way up. So all I did was slip into my dress, take a few pictures, then off to the dinner. We went with 6 of Carlos' friends to this cutsey little Italian resturant called Bella Luna in Downtown Palo Alto. After a lovely dinner it was off to the Ball! By the way, Carlos looked so handsome in his white tuxedo. I was defintely the luckiest girl there. Upon arriving at the Hyatt Hotel where they were holding the ball, we see this beautiful ice sculpture of a ballroom dancing couple. Everything was beautiful. Around the glass sculture, were a delcious assortment of deli's and desserts. Carlos and tried to watch the opening ceremonies but, to say the least there was a wall of people blocking our way. So Carlos gives me a 15 minute crash course in the Rotary Walts, Cross Step Walts, and 3 different variations of swing. I semi got a hold of them but I really did wish I knew before hand how to dance. So we step out on the dance floor for the first time and try the waltz. It was...interesting. Okay, okay, it was rather unsuccessful. But after a lil practice we got a hold of it. There were so many people, that we kept crashing into people. After a lil waltzing and polka ing? We head into the next ballroom, which was a swing room. I love swing! It was so much fun. Throughout the night the different dance groups of Stanford such as Los Salseros, Swing Time, Decadance, and the Stanford Ballroom Dance team (just to name a few) preformed some awesome exhibitions. Very inspiring. To say the least we danced the night away till 2 in the morning. The fact that I can't exactly feel the soles of my feet, except for this numbing sensation when I walk was completely worth all fun I had that night! All of Carlos' friends were so nice, and just all around great people. They really made the night very enjoyable. But, of course I had the greatest date of them all! Thank you Carlos for a wonderful time. Words can't express how much I miss you, and Love YOU!

sodium perchlorate heptahydrate

Sometimes I wish life would just slow down, so we could all take a breather, and maybe enojoy all the little things that we're too busy to recognize. I've been extrememly stressed lately, mainly because of school and the heavy work load. I'm pretty much hating myself right now for taking 2 science classes, but whatever. I've been going to the new Rec Center a lot, and really focusing on getting my body healthier, and I've been eating somewhat healthier, if you don't count the Crunchwrap Supreme I had for lunch today. I love the rec center. I can just go, put on my mp3, and cycle or run while I just think. I guess one good thing about being so busy with school is that for once I finally feel like I'm absorbing something from my education, unlike last semester. Academia; it's a love hate relationship. Anyways, I've been looking into law schools lately, and getting really excited and motivated. Right now, my dream law school is Penn State. Unfortunately it's across the country. A very close second is Stanford. Well, I guess that's it. My life right now, is all about college. I know I have no life, but I'd rather get the hardest semester out of the way sooner rather than later.In other news, my 18th birthday is coming up. All I have to say is it's about damn time! But I'm very excited. Having a lil dinner party with some close friends at Trelio in Old Town. It's going to be a smashing good ol time. The following weekend I'll be heading up to Stanford for Carlos' Vienesse Ball. I miss going to formals and proms, but this one is a bit different. It's actual ballroom dancing. There's also a swing room. I'm so excited. It'll be the first time I see him in 1 and 1/2 months. I miss him so much.so to sum up:life is good. stressful. but good.

Greetings & Salutations

Ahh...The start of a new year and new semester. So far it's been grand. Already have homework, and reading piled high as far as I can see. That should keep me busy. For as much time I spend in class each week I'd might as well live on campus. But, I guess that's just a bit of complaing from me as a result of my lack of incentive to get my lisence and thus failure to drive my own car to school. Shameful, believe me- I know. Despit the hectic schedule due to the overload of credits, I enjoy most of my classes. Partially because I fared well with my professors, who for the most part are legit, and simultaneously enjoyable. With the exception of my philosphy professor who unfortunately does not know the meaning of interesting or enthusiasm, or passion or any other word that would begin to describe a slight interest in the subject you teach. I had believed that my philosophy class would be the most favored but my hopes have turned out to be a dud, a period of boredom sleeping, and of course my professors mindless tangents. My political science teacher has probably the most "bad ass" (courtesy of Pablo Morales) accent I've ever heard. My chemistry lab teacher might as well be mute. A little mean? I know. But she can't speak very coherent english, it's not her fault but it's kind of necessary to teach. Taking Chem1A and BioSci1A is a bit daunting, but for most part I can handle BioSci. Chem on the other hand is kicking my ass. A part from the teachers the reason I'm so pleased with school is because many of my friends are in all of my classes. It makes the whole experience much easier, and little less intimidating. Maybe this is just me but having friends in the class, is like a catalyst for competition. Therefore, I work harder, get good grades..blah blah blah.. you get it the jist of it. I'm so excited for my fencing class. Next monday I will check out my mask, jacket, and foil. Very exciting. Well I guess I should return to reading. Lots and lots and lots....of reading. This weekend I will probably be living in the library because of my mother's spontaneous urge to throw a dreaded kareoke party with her coworkers at our house. So it will be impossible to get any studying done on Saturday. So call me this weekend if you're on campus or if I can crash at your casa. late.goals for this semester:1. Straight A's2. Fix my exercising habits (or lack thereof)3. Eat healthier since I won't have marching band to burn the cals.4. Spend less time on the internet.5. Join the salsa club6. Recruit at least one member for Phi Alpha Delta Law Fraternity International. Any takers? Let me know.

In Loving Memory Of Danny Ray

Goodbye Danny.

til' we meet again...

I'll never forget your kind soul
your smile that could light up the darkest hearts
your eyes that saw the beauty in a person
and the quintessence of love
that you so graciously bestowed on
every person you touched.

How I wish I could see you once more
and tell you I love youand thank you for your friendship
your compassion, love, and kindness
But, for now I must say goodbye Danny
Just remember that this goodbye
isn't forever.

So until we meet again my dearest Danny
take with you to heaven
a peice of our hearts
for your life, your legacy
will stay with us forever in our steps
on this journey of life.

May you know that through you,
lives will be saved
eyes will be opened for the first time
ears will hear the truth
and hearts will be opened to the testiment
of your life.

Proposition

I'll be going to FIJI tomorrow with Chris to pay my respects. If anyone would like to come, it would be greatly appreciated. Having friends around makes this time just a little bit easier. On another note...I did a LOT of thinking today. First off let me say that this whole experience has turned me off to the idea of drinking. I can't do it anymore without thinking of what happened to Danny. And thinking about the way he died is to painful so I've decided that I'm not going to drink anymore. Yeah, I've only drank 3 times but those times I drank quite a bit, and I don't want to go down the same path Danny did. My eyes are open now. So if I'm hanging out with you and I decide not to, this is the reason why. Before this year I said to myself that I don't need alcohol in my body to have fun, and I still find it true. I don't really know why I did it in the first place now. I guess it was the fact that I was in a safe controlled setting where I had friends who would look out for me and make sure nothing happened to me. But, after last semester, I know this is the right thing to do.A Proposition...I don't judge the people that do drink, let me make that clear. Everyone deserves to have fun, socialize, experience life. The only thing I ask from you is to be safe. Be cautious of how much you drink, where you drink, and with whom. There was no car accident involved in Danny's death, but I still can't stress enough how important it is to have a designated driver. I've lost loved ones over drunk driving before, and I believe it's the most irresponsible thing to do, not to mention dangerous. When I get my lisence I would gladly drive anyone home, any time, any day. I mean that with all my heart. Secondly, know when too much is TOO MUCH. And if you know you're going to be in the position to not have that kind of judgement,drink with someone who you know will. Don't be irresponsible and drink yourself to a bloody stupor. I hate to be pragmatic at a time of so much hurt, and what I say next may seem insensitive, but what Danny did was wrong, stupid, and preventable. I guess that's what hurts the most is that there was something that could have been done to prevent this. But now it's too late. So please, I'm begging all of you too to think before you drink. A word to all my highschool buddies, I know that some of you do drink. I know I can't say anything to you that will stop you from drinking, and who am I to say anything first off? But please be safe, and remember it is ILLEGAL. When you do decide to drink, think twice, three times, four, five...think of your life, how hard you've worked to get to where you are, all the people who you love and love you. Now just think of all that being taken away from you in an instant. Everything-gone. Your family, your friends, all your dreams and aspirations completely wiped out in a second. Imagine not being able to grow old, experiencing life, graduating highschool, going to college, getting married, having children, etc...Imagine going to jail for the rest of your life because you killed an innocent person because of your irresponsible actions. Imagine seeing all your friends and family in so much hurt because they lost you. There are so many ways that people can get hurt from irresponsible drinking. Bottom line is Alcohol does not need a car to ruin lives, all it needs is one person stupid enough to not think about their actions. That's all it takes. Just one person.Please don't become that one person...

May You Rest In Peace Danny

On the subject of drinking: if and when you do it please be safe. It's great if you don't but if you do please do not do it alone, and always have a designated driver. Have fun but please be SAFE! I can't even imagine drinking after all this.I hope we all learn to appreciate and live life like Danny did. Maybe not as rebellious or as dangerous, but certainly experience every precious moment like he did. Because in an instant everything you knew, everything you loved could be taken from you--and you'll never have a chance to do the things you wanted to do; or say the things you wanted to say to the people you loved. So lets all laugh more, and cry more, and for Danny's sake love more.Dear Danny,I'll never forgive myself for the way I left things between us. I can't believe you're really gone. I can't even leave you a comment because you deleted me from your friend's list after our whole spat. And you had all the reason to. I wish I could go back and do things over. I'm sorry for taking your friendshipt for granted. I'm sorry for blaming you when I should have blamed my own stupidity. I was not a good friend. Even though I told you I was still your friend I never acted like it. I pleaded with you to be safe when you drink. That's all I ask from you. But, I should have been there to make sure you were safe. I could have given you a place to go to instead of drinking. I feel absolutley terrible. Looking at your pictures, it's hard to believe you're gone. You're too young, you had your entire life to live. I can't understand why you had to go. You could have done so many great things. I'll always remember you Danny. Of the way you lived life. You took everyday and lived it as if it were your last. When you wanted to have fun, you partied. When you wanted something, you worked hard to get it.When you believed in something, nothing would stop you from believing in it no matter how rebellious it was. When you loved somebody you weren't afraid to show it. That is something I will always be envious of you. If I could go back I would tell you how much I really do care about you, and that you had made a difference in the way I live life. You showed me that even though I had responsibilities, it's ok to have a little fun. And it's important to really enjoy life, and appreciate every precious moment you have with the people around you. I know I had some way of showing that I was your friend, but just know that I did and always will cherish and love you as my friend. Thank you for blessing my life.Thank you for opening my eyes, my mind, and my heart Danny.I will miss you terribly, and remember you always.Love,Jenny