k is for klassy

I think we can all agree that when i drink. the classy lady comes out.

I don't think I'm alone when say that when I'm drunk, my inhibitions fade, and my hormones flair like a nympho. but lets be clear. as chelsea handler would say no penetration occured. drunken makeout sessions and fooling around. sexual release is sometimes all is needed. man i do turn into a make out whore when i'm drunk.

i hope nothing comes from this.

fake plastic trees

I am certain that Radiohead's The Bends is the soundtrack of my life.


funny how one song can bring you back to the place you knew the most.

harder days

There's never an easy breakup.
The first two days I was fine. But today, I miss him. I wish him well. I want to be friends with him. He's a guy I don't want to cut out of my life. Perhaps it'll work out. He is a great guy, and I just miss his hugs today.

breaking up is hard to do...sometimes.

well. it's times like these when i'd usually say some philosophical emotionally charged quote like "this too shall pass" but. it's not fitting. not anymore. since that train has passed months ago. how crazy of an emotional rollercoaster being with him was. it began as party night with a couple beers and random makeout session. to our first date and then a full blow relationship. to finally realizing we're too different, and that he can't make me happy. i have standards. yes they are high. and i'm not willing to settle. it wasn't a waste of time. he made me realize the things I don't want in a relationship, the things i'm not looking for in man. he has good intentions. but unfortunately, he can't back them up. he doesn't know what he wants in life, and he doesn't have time or money for anything but himself.

i broke up with tony today. the first time i've ever had too break up with someone. boys have always broken up with me. but today i broke up with a man. man that sounds corny but its true. and he took it like a man. except for the part where he tried to twist it around and try to break up with me. but then i reminded him why I was doing the breaking up. i am a fabulous girl friend. and he didn't appreciate me. so that's life. I move on. he asked if we could be friends. i told him maybe in the future but not now. i definitely need space. but that was never a problem for him. in fact space was the only thing he was good at giving me. that says alot about our sex life. haha... well. i'm happy. i have my friends. my family. my health. and man did i look smokin hott today! lol.okay i will stop. but i love my new hair. a fresh start. refocusing on things that make me happy, and goals instead of being frustrated and hurt all the time.


life is good.

to do lists.

Just know that a lot has happened since my last post. I don't feel the need to write about it to nonexistent readership. With of course the exception of myself and perhaps that fly on my wall.
The sonoma comp went well. I think I could have placed, had I actually signed up for the damn thing. But ce la vie. right? I find myself questioning my relationships. It hurts. I know what I want, and I know the truth, and I know what I'm settling for, and I know my fucking goals. I just can't seem to shake the daunting feeling that I'm going to hurt him. Or he's going to hurt me. I wish he'd just get it over with already, he seems to be trying to give me excuses. Excuses and words I don't believe. I don't see it. I don't feel it. I can hear him say these things that sound wonderful, and lovely, and exactly what I want. That's the problem, it's exactly what I want to hear. But when talk turns to action, there's little to be desired of. And we go back to the cicular motions of me needing to talk to him about things that upset me, worry me, scare me. I contemplate breaking up with him. Thinking it will make things better. I then realize I'm too easily a quitter when the times get hard. But now that I think of it. Our times aren't even that hard. They're just non existent. We climb at the gym. Occasionally a few times a week I'll to his house. Apart from that. What is this? He says all he needs is me and that I'm important to him. He needs me, but he doesn't love me. I'm important to him, but not important enough to call in 3 days. I don't buy his excuse. Even if I did have finals. Would he not care enough to call or text me good luck. Or even worse, before he gave me that excuse would he not care enough to hear my voice at night, just to say goodnight, and see how my day is going? Why is it that I care so much about this? It's because that's what I expect in a boyfriend. It's the things that I shouldn't have to say, that he should want to do. Things that he shouldn't be forced to do. I hate feeling like I'm just another task on his to do list. I hate even more that I'm not even on that list. I'd rather be alone, than be with someone who makes me feel like they don't care about me or my life.