Infatuation Doesn't Do Passion Any Justice

These mindless ramblings need exposure so I can think about other things more important than these...I've been thinking about this as of late, the very reason some of us go day in, and day out just thinking about that person, or in some cases, persons whose lingering presence you refuse to refute from your mind. I'm not sure what this chapter in my life is calling for, whatever relationships it may or may not have in store, but one thing never fails to stand its ground as undeviating as ever, is that: infatuation doesn't do passion any justice.These two entities, Infatuation and Passion are infact intwind. For as much as I may want to believe in the inherent good of myself to see past the physical manifestation, I am unfortunately draw to that aspect of attraction primarily. However, as I've conteplated, I've realized that my affinity to any of the physically attractive is only penultimate to the intellectual. I am in a sense, trying to reason with the burden in my heart, and offer to you, that I am not as shallow as I may appear to be on the outside. This elitist mask is only a defense mechanism to indirectly repudiate those I have no interest in, and am to spineless to refute at face value.In contrast, I will lay the truth that I am a passionate person. In what I study; in my work ethic; in whom I befriend; in what I enjoy; and mainly in whom and what I love. In return I seek those who are as passionate about their lives as I. When I meet that someone, should I know indefinitely? Of course not. Life is centered around learning. I guess at the very core of all this nonsense is that I only wish that I knew who that person was. For it seems that this infatuation, is only the surface of something that could be something greater. But I feel as if the extent of that greatness is impossible to uncover because I don't know how to, and it depresses me like non other.

Pitiful

Love of mine...someday you will die...Deathcab reminds me all too often..and I'm in the mood for some Dashboard, Buble, and maybe cap the night with some some Elvis Costello.It's just one of those fucking nights when you miss everyone, and everything you had. But there's nothing you can do now. Fuck, there's a pit in my stomach. I'm starting to feel as if there's nothing left in California for me. In the deep pit of my heart I know that I'm going to end up where I belong, with the one person I belong too. But, something is drawing me to New York. I'm going to explore this revelation, because I don't want to live the rest of my life not knowing.Remember when you were fine? When you had a rock? When you had a sense of where the hell you were standing? You've gone soft, and frankly you're nothing more than pitiful.

Orbicularis oris

This is not me! I have to quit this. Now I'm really frustrated.I'm going to just wait, now.Wait, for somebody to chase me instead of doing this stupid junior high girly crushing shit.Why am I not interested in guys that are interested in me? Oh I know why...they're douchebags, or perverts. Well, a lot of them...the rest of the time they're just not my type.Oh, and why am I interested in guys that are clueless, or either a million times out of my league? Oh I know, I have high standards. What the fuck?I miss being in a relationship, and having that stability. I see these couples around campus and it really does make me want to vomit. Oh the worse is when these really old married husbands and wives come into Starbucks and are holding hands and on the outside I'm like "awwwww how sweet" when really I'm like "dammit all to hell..." And yet I still find a way to say "How are you two lovebirds doing today?!...what can I get for ya!?" with a fucking smile on my face. When really all I can think in my mind is "get your lovey dovey wishy washy mushy gushy crap outa here.!!!" And then I see this damn highschool couples...I just wanna yell at them for some reason. But ,I have to restrain myself from giving them nasty pitful stares. Bitter? Just a bit. I think this all spawns from a little addiction I like to call envy. It's so much easier to hate people that are in love.(side note: But, really...Is it really necessary to drive a couple miles, get out of your car, walk all the way from the parking lot, into Starbucks, just to make out in front of our pasty case? You do know that thing is see through right? There's no need to be massaging each others' Orbicularis oris' when people are in line to get coffee.) --take a fucking hint.Ehhheem...Back to my point. I'm bitter, and stupid. I'm past the rebound stage finally. I'm tired of these boys. Fuck friends with benefits. Fuck boys who have more estrogen than me. Fuck infactuation. I need a good man. But for now, friends will have to do because I am tired of not being the girl I used to be, that nonchalant, frazzle free jenny to the los. I liked her; I miss her.This is going absolutley no where. But hey, it cleared my mind a bit.

Reisling

In response...I criticize my church because I love it, just as you've probably heard me criticize my country. I believe in the values of my church and the beliefs of my country so much that I want it to live up to its mission and uphold its purpose. For if, we extract self evaluation from our world, we extract the very hope that there is an undeniable good in ourselves that drives our moral responsibility of self betterment. Without that hope, the only thing left for our children is the horrific fallacy that we live a death bound life, distracted from legacy and all things that give meaning to our lives.

Cabernet Sauvignon

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The SurveyName:jenny to the losBirthday:feb 16Birthplace:BrooklynEye Color:brownHair Color:blackHeight:i'm short that's all you need to knowRight Handed or Left Handed:leftyYour Heritage:filipinoThe Shoes You Wore Today:ae loafersYour Weakness:saying noYour Fears:hurting the people I love, and people who lack passionYour Perfect Pizza:anything from Woodstock's in SLOGoal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:peace of mind and heartYour Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:i dunnoThoughts First Waking Up:just 5 more minutes....Your Best Physical Feature:apparently i have thunder thighs :o(Your Bedtime:i don't exactly sleep. if i do. it's never on purpose.Your Most Missed Memory:excuse me while I have an emo moment...i have many. but i cherish them more than miss them.Pepsi or Coke:teaMacDonalds or Burger King:i think i just vomitted in my mouth a littleSingle or Group Dates:hm my love life is pretty much nonexistent. so no comment.Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:shaken green tea lemonade with a splash of straberry and tangerine sauce on topChocolate or Vanilla:chocolateCappuccino or Coffee:machiattoDo you Smoke:noDo you Swear:usually no, but I can cuss up a storm if I'm provokedDo you Sing:horriblyDo you Shower Daily:sometimes twiceHave you Been in Love:yesDo you want to go to College:I definitely want to finish college, and law school.Do you want to get Married:DefinitelyDo you belive in yourself:yes (in the most unpompous jackassy kind of way)Do you get Motion Sickness:sometimes on a plane...especially when there are mutherf$@%$%$ snakes on the mailto:motherf$@$@@ plane!!!Do you think you are Attractive:i think i look like a boy.Are you a Health Freak:I don't have time anymore.Do you get along with your Parents:More than ever. Quite ironically...Do you like Thunderstorms:indifferent.Do you play an Instrument:Too many...too mediocreIn the past month have you Drank Alcohol:Yup.In the past month have you Smoked:Nope.In the past month have you been on Drugs:I'm HIGH ON LIFE BABY!!!In the past month have you gone on a Date:uH? I dont think so.In the past month have you gone to a Mall:Yup.In the past month have you eaten Sushi:HELL YEAH!In the past month have you been on Stage:Does the pit count?In the past month have you been Dumped:Sorta kinda.In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:uh. no. it's fresno. yes i'll go skinny dipping in the man made meth needle infested lake.In the past month have you Stolen Anything:nope.Ever been Drunk:you don't even know.Ever been called a Tease:nope. i don't like games.Ever been Beaten up:I'm sbux's bitch. what do you think? lol.i'm just joshin yaEver Shoplifted:I think when I was 7?How do you want to Die:Saving a life.What do you want to be when you Grow Up:Genuinely happy.What country would you most like to Visit:ItalyIn a Boy/Girl..Favourite Eye Color:GreenFavourite Hair Color:don't careShort or Long Hair:don't careHeight:don't care.Weight:don't care.Best Clothing Style:they just have to know when to look appropriate. i dig chill guys. none of that pop ya collar douchebaggy kind of crapNumber of Drugs I have taken:does my enhaler count?Number of CDs I own:too many.Number of Piercings:two. soon to be three!!!Number of Tattoos:nada.Number of things in my Past I Regret:I only regret the things that I don't learn from.

Chianti riserva

Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth. For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures, and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love.- Francis BaconI feel like cuddling up in a loft, turning on some skanky ass blues, grabbing the texts, and maybe a glass of bardolino.this chianti riserva is meant for two...