Salsa

Tonight. Felt betrayed by one of my closest friends.

I really just don't understand Eugene sometimes. Of all the people in the world he had to bring that dirtbag Wesely to Eli's 21st birthday. He knew I'd be there and still thought it would be a good idea to bring him.

Thank God for Chris, he truly is a loyal friend.

Ben was nice enough to let me go salsa dancing without him. I know it worries him but tonight was a pretty big step for us. I'm happy he trusts me. Although I still wish he had come. Someday I wish he'll dance with me, in a crowd, in a club, in public. But dancing tonight was exactly what I needed. I had to sweat all that stress away. I miss dancing so much. I used to dance with Eugene but now I'm thinking I may need to find a new dance partner. I wonder if Ben is up to it :P

Ray was at the salsa club with his lady friend. He looked very happy as usual and I think it may have been a date. I feel a tad bit bad for interrupting but it's not my fault he invited a bunch of people and I was the only one that showed up. Kept dancing with some old fresno state friends so I could leave them with a little privacy. ;P

I think I'm going to start dancing again. I love the post dance sweat and endorphin rush!

Valley 6.15.11

First summer trip to the valley last week. Accompanied with my kindred spirit Taylor Pedron. We sang and talked and made weird noises all the way to the joyous land, and a second home. Driving away from the city, my lungs filled with fresh air; i smelled the sweet aroma of camp fire; arrived at the tunnel and I felt home. My heart warms whenever I'm in the valley. I don't know what exactly it is that makes me so happy here. Maybe it's the fact that when I gaze up at the giant granite monoliths that surround me, I feel so small. Small, but still part of something amazing. It might be surprising for some of you, but it makes me feel closer to God. My faith is something that I've struggled with for a long time. But, every time I take trip to the valley I am reminded at this beautiful earth, every blessing I've given, and my heart is at rest. If only for a little while.

I missed Ben, it was so weird being in the valley without him. I don't like it. lol.

We stayed mainly at sunnyside bench. Met up with Lisa, Mike , Gavin, Herb and his two sons. Tay and I both did our first 5.10 crack: lazy bum. Fun was had by all. Yosemite Falls was raging. It gave us a nice mist while we were climbing

On the way home we took a detour to Bass Lake, waded around the water and headed home.

...for me it isn't over

one of the few artists today that I actually respect and enjoy.

this song however feels so familiar:

adele: someone like you

hurts.

Few things hurt more than your parents telling you that you're an embarrassment to them. But, what can I do? I can't speed up this process. Figuring out who I am, what I want to do. It's all a blur and the only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that Ben loves me. He gets me through the hurt. I'm getting my shit together. One step at a time. It's time to move on from this place. This is no home anymore. It's just cold.

3.17.11

So, I've decided to start logging all the trips that I go on from now on. It occurred to me that trips are merging together and my memories isn't what it used to be, and what are we without out our memories? Inspired by Ben to keep and account of all our adventures, yet I am the absolute worst when it comes to keeping an actual physical journal. It always gets lost, aka I end up ripping out the pages in fear that some unsuspecting passerby will stumble across it a read my deepest darkest secrets! So I'll start now, here, for all to read.

3.18.11

I'm wring a day late, yesterday was St. Patricks Day. I don't celebrate it cause I really have no idea what it stands for. All I know is that a bunch of hoochies dress up in what little green they can find and go drink green beer until their inebriated little bodies can't handle it and they throw up green barf. We headed out to the city limits to Lost Lake to do a little BBQ with a bunch of friends. It wasn't far enough but it will hold me off until I can escape to the valley and the meadows, and rivers of where I actually belong. Ben dug the perfect bbq pit and we had ourselves some mighty fine steaks and bratwursts. Snuggled around the campfire while Dj's dog Chip kept watch. I love Australian Shepherds. Enjoyed the company, it was a good break away from the city. sorta.

In other news, I huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Finally told my parents I want to pursue my yoga teaching certification. Now that I think about it, I don't know why I was ever nervous to begin with, they've always been supportive of anything I choose to do. Especially during this time...

23

I'm turning into one of those people who hates having birthdays. Mainly I hate spending them alone. Guess I really am a social creature; I want to be with others. This week was essentially desolate. Work, school, work, school. Uneventful for turning lame 23. Oh well. Ben is on the eastside right now shredding some mammoth pow. Lucky bum gets to play in heaven on the most awesome pow weekend of the year. I feel like I'm getting stir crazy, and I need to clear my head. The city does nothing for me. I'm hating restaurants, roads, driving, cars, cell phones, fashion, malls, buildings, suburbs, mowed lawns.... Itching for that off the beaten path, under the radar, into the wild life. It's time to go.