Thinking Aloud

What is it about the human psychological chronicle that makes us so attuned to our incessant need to doubt, second guess, and back stab our own notions of reality or for the lack of better words our ideal? Its been bothering me as of late, the very reasons why people change, and I struggle nonetheless with my own demons as to why I, myself am changing. I was content, in my numbingly ambient happiness. So why the fuck couldnt I just continue to placate Fate, God, the Great Spirit, whatever the heck lies beyond that Ultimate Divine, and stay subdued. I was happy wasnt I? Or was I content with being unfulfilled. Id like to believe that I wasnt, and that I was meant to serve for a higher purpose in society other than my automatic consumption of selfish post Neanderthal needs. Dont get me wrong, I refute any and all allegations that I am subjected to religion. I do not mean a higher purpose as in a servant, but in Realitys terms; in our own, psychically tangible universe, I was meant for something more. But, now I find myself floating between that relentless haze of alcohol consumption where I usually end up saying oh fuck, what the hell did I do last night?! and my undisputed controversy between my ethics and indulgences. Could it be that my ethical reasoning is the thing that is ever changing? Maybe its just the fact that I want to know where Im going, see into the future, and know what the fuck am I supposed to do. Cause all I want to do and say to the universe is fuck this shit.