cigarettes and chocolate milk

i've got to admit, i've drank at work before, but today was baaaaad. lol. so worth it though.


i was definitely drunk at work today.
it got to the point that me and jacob were so pissed off that we decided to just say fuck it
kit is a dumbass
renee is a dumbass
i hate starbucks
except nights like these when i have a kick ass lead.

i love jacob.
and jacob's bro daniel.
they are def my favorites forever.

lol

dropped all my pennies, and my dimes. what a hoot.
i came to the sad realization that our close was going to be better than half the fuckin closes at the entire store. lol. AND it was friday night, we got slammed making $350 in one half hour. that's something to the tune of $10.5 a minute.

3 beers, one smirnoff, 4 cigars, 1 cig.
oh yeah. i'm definitely due for a wellness blog tomorrow. lol

eugey broke up with eddie today. i am very proud of him. he needs to take care of himself first not worry about. that relationship wasn't all bad, i have to admit it made euge realize what he wants, and what he needs in life. and i hope that it does the same for eddie. i just want the best for him, and i know he's going to hurt right now, but i know in my heart that he's going to grow from this, and be better for it.

Days like today

Sometimes I wonder why I have days when I lapse. There are little things throughout the day that remind me of him and it's disheartening. Days like today I guess. I thought to myself, I wonder what he's doing, and what he's writing about on his xanga, and if he ever writes of me, or even if he thinks of me once in a while. I write things in here that I want to share, but nobody to share them with. And I keep this thought in the back of my mind, that if I share this with him, he could help me make sense of myself. Like he did before. I thought. But, it made him realize that he doesn't want me. I wonder if anything that happened between us had any effect in his life. But in the end we've said are dues, and I've watched as he walked away. Ironic. That was his screen name on xanga. I checked it today. It wasn't the first time, I have in the past. I'm always curious to see if he'd ever let me back into his life, and see him for who he is. But, do I want to? Yes. That's what drew me to him, his honesty, and rawness, and spontenaity. I miss that very much. I wish I had that once more. I wish we could be better friends. Now, it is the occasional text message that I always send when I miss him and want to feel that connection once more. I miss our talks, and stuff we'd do. I see his friends around school, and they always want me to come back and hang out. I see him every so often, but he never has time to talk, very busy with studying of course. My professors talk of him, without knowing what happened between us. So do my friends. It's been rough. But, it's been a lot easier. But days like today, whenever everything reminds you of what you had, and lost. These days seem to really be draining.

bitchy people make the world sad.

this girl brianna mcdonald. i went to highschool with her. i don't think she's everl liked me. I found out that she had liked Carlos, when i started to date him. lol. wow. So ever since that she's been hecka cold. besides that she's one of those people who always act like they're better than everyone, and she never awknowledges me, i have to do it first. lol. oh well. just gotta kill her with kindness. weird thing is she's the little sister of two of the coolest brothers i know. josh and kev. wierd huh? oh well. she must be troubled or something.

she is the antithesis of locke.

superwoman

I bought a book called Superheroes and Philosophy. I'm excited.

And I bought some neitzsche, and the oxford dictionory of philosophy.

I wonder.

lsat
gre
peace corps
grad school
law school


i like that .

zzz

I just realized the parallels between Plato's Republic and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Besdies the fact that they had Socrates in it.

I shall expand further, some other time. I am tire and I want sleep.

Autumn Leaves

It's cold tonight. It feels very autumny.

I've been debating on whether or not to share this with raf. Should I email him the permission link to read my blog? I feel that we are losing touch more and more each day. Makes me sad, that it was something that filled me with happiness me, and now has almost no presence in my life.

Part of me wants me to let him read it, because in some wierd way I feel like he'd understand it. And part of me doesn't want to burn that bridge. I don't want that connection to just disipate.

The other part of me is afraid that he'll reject my offer, as if he doesn't even care. Rejection. hmm...how to deal with this fear....

Reject me once, shame on you.
Reject me tiwice, shame on me.

The semester is rolling up quickly. It's gaining speed. which reminds me I must finish writing!

Wellness Blog #1

In an effort to loose wieght, get back in shape, tone down by belly, arms, legs and everything in between. I'm starting a wellness blog. Not only is this something where I can be raw and honest about my feelings of my physical and mental state, but I can use this as a self improvement exercise. And this shall be my first entry.

Tuesday of WEEK 1

weight: 135lbs

worked out today? yes. for 1 and a half. did a cardio and abs circuit with euge then we saw Bryce my ex teaching a combat fitness class. we joined in for a half hour.

breakfast: none

lunch: salad and water

dinner: not yet.

snacks throughout the day? chewy sour smarty things. but only to keep me awake through my last class.

cigs/cigars/hookah/pot: nada I've been thinking of pot. hmm.. I said I'd try it with chris and jason. Just cause I was curious as to why I'm so vehemently against something I have no knowledge of. Is that naivete?

relationship/friendship wise? My friendship with raf is good. We text and talk occasionally but I don't feel the need anymore to try to make small talk. We moved on. Human after all huh? lol. I'm worried that Priss maybe going down a very long and very confusing path. I'm just trying my best to be there for her. She has had fracture in her foot for a year. ....i know. Me and euge are hanging out more. I am happy.I just want my body to reflect that now. We are both going through transformations.I'm coming into my own style and euge is thinking of dumping eddie. He is just holding him back. But he needs to figure that out on his own terms.

state of mind: tired, healthy, lots of homework to do!!!