9 to 10 DriNkS?

I don't think he understands. And we're learning things about each other that we find differences on. He says that he feels as if he easily angers me, and well yeah I guess. Because nothing he says is ever concrete. He fuckin reasons to the point where I don't know what the hell he says is honest or just a statement to apease me or him or the universe. I don't know. I am glad though that I'm learning these things about him ahead of time...so I know what to expect and so that I'm not surprised i nthe future. I know that this is one of the things that we will have a problem being peaceful about. He says that he's the middle ground. I just think he needs to lean the meaning of fucking sacrafice. I don't know if he gets that part. Yes in a relationship there is always compromise but sometimes someone needs to sacrafice something. I wish he could sacrafice drinking. What I wish I could happen for myself is to stop drinking full blown at parties. Only when I'm older, and at home do I wish to drink. I just don't like the person I become, where I loose control of inhibitions, and make alchohol an excuse to be slutty. I don't like to be vulnerable. But, I know that as a young woman in college that is hard. And, I'm open to experiences but I've been through enough to make me realize that it's not the path I want to take. I don't like being drunk, and when I drink I prefer to be responsible about it. He however thinks that that is an extreme to ask of him. So now what? Because we have completely different views on what is safe and what isn't, will he continue to do as he pleases even if it means it upsets me? I don't know. I hope that maybe he will take my feelings into consideration and make a sacrafice. I don't know if he's capable of that. Maybe that is too much of an extremeity for him to meet. But I want somebody who can. This is something I don't want to return to. I don't want anymore phone calls telling me that someone has died of something preventable. I don't want that feeling of uselessness, of being powerless; the feeling that I could have done something to stop someone from dying. It's the worst kind of guilt, and one that I never want to have again. Raf doesn't get that. He doesn't see how powerful it can be. And I hate saying things like this to him cause it makes me feel obnoxious and quasi all knowing. I guess not growing up with alchohol influenced me. And I think in a good way. I never saw the use for it. No dependence on it. It was a social drink, and one to be careful of.- and that is not being a prude, it's being responsible, and being reasonable. It makes me nervous of the other things that we'll disagree on. Will it be to much that it's impossible? At least I'll be able to know whether or not he's someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. We already disagree on marriage. He doesn't believe in it. He'll do it for his mom, but he's rather not. He wants to know that there person who is waking up next to him is there because of him. But I want somebody to love me so much that they want to marry me, and want the world to know, and celebrate it. Who knows. Will he understand that? I think that part of me wishes but knows that he won't be able to feel that way... Unfortunate, and raw. It's life.