Woman Like Me

It's too late now. Though we really tried to make it. You've tried and he doesn't want you. Little girl you're worth everything you deserve, and the man who knows that will find you. Don't settle for anything less than what standards you set for yourself. He even knew he never met your standards. This is just a learning experience.

"You hurt me but I learned a lot along the way." It's true. What could I have done? In a way you released me from you and now I am able to get my life back. You think that you were the only one changing? I hope not. Didn't realize that I cut back hours at work not only because of school, but because I wanted time with you? Didn't realize that I spent time with you when I could have been with people who actually loved me, my friends. Didn't realize I quit Mock Trial because I thought it would strain our relationship too much. Didn't realize that? Apparently my efforts are not worth it. I thought you could be a part of my life, when really you never thought I could be a part of yours. I've learned that I should never compromise my goals for anyone. What happened to that purposeful, driven woman? Did she let this guy affect her way of thinking? Yes. It can only go up from here. Someone worth of my time is someone who will encourage me and push me when I second guess my goals. Be who you are, don't be afraid of that.

I find it kind of funny, Kayla finds it endearing that the moment that the fact you broke up with me sank in. The thing that rushed into my mind was mock trial, and my friends. Funny huh? The fact that I subconsciously requested days off from work convienently at the same times of practice? Did I know that this was ineveitable and just prepared myself to come back stronger to my true self? Who knows, I found that interesting. One other thing is that this experience has really made me value the honesty, and necessity of truth in my past relationship with Carlos. I am glad now that I don't have to hide our friendship, and now that he's back I won't be afraid to visit him, and get our group of friends together like the old times.

Stop the next time you meet someone you think you could have something lasting with. Think if you could really feel for a "woman like her." Don't lead her on to try to fit what you think is her ideal man, and don't try to mask yourself, because in then end your true self with override all the lies. You get angry when I tell you these things but it just goes to show how little you've actually learned, and small minded you are. How ironic that you claim to be open minded, and yet you cannot be open minded to the close minded? My parents, tried, even though they knew you weren't the one for me. They were right. The man I want is someone who will fight for me, truly fight, not just put up with the bullshit to have fun sometimes. You try to justify your answers philosophically; try to make it seem as if what you were doing was the courageous, virtuous thing to do. You've succeeded in conviniceing yourself, but anyone else can see that you've just perpetuated your internal circle of skepticism, and confliction. The way you've changed was something you did on your own. I never forced you to think a certain way, or dress a certain way, or act a certain way. All my parents needed was for you to respect their rules, and well if you can't deal with that; if you can't recognize that there will always be hard times, and that it's ok to work them out, then you really arn't ready for a relationship. You said many hurtful things, that were harsh but I asked for it when I decided to fight for whatever it is we had. Made me feel as if I wasn't good enough. I think we both know I am, and the thing is that I am not what you think is good. Whatever you think is your type. But then again who are you to know? To judge me? Either way you won't phase me in being who I am. I deserve much better treatment from a boyfriend, a lover, and friend.

Plato's cave is full of blinded, irrational, selfish people. Once unchained, they've seen what source the images are coming from, they'll demand refunds, no need for explanations just as long as they feel they've been compensated for their blindness. Instead of coming out from the cave, and seeing that there's an incredible, scary, beautiful world beyond the images they were forced to watch on the wall, they'll creep back inside in fear and in a sense chain themeselves. For they let the emotion of fear override any notion of courage and will to face the truth. As crtitical thinkers we're led to suspect the only truth is in uncertainty and similarly uncertainty is rooted in percieved truth. It's just a shame that I didn't let myself see the truth, and what you were from the very beginning, that I let myself get hurt again. This new experience to a different kind of dating opened my eyes. Since we never buil a foundation of friendship there isn't much to fall back on. If we both actually want to be friends, it will take time. Well...I guess we just live and move on.

Maybe someday you'll truly understand the person you are, and what you want in yourself, and others. I think that's the only way you can genuinly be happy. And I hope that for you. I do wish you love, and above all else I wish you to be happy with yourself.

I am happy with the person I am. This is me. As disgustingly cliche as it may sound. I love myself. My family loves me. And my friends love me. That's all I need.