Patience is a Virtue; and Life is a Waiting Game

I think I should really start to follow through on my quasi-life-philosophy of being simple. It's helped in the past. I've started to not drink as much at work, which has helped me looses weight. And I've cut down on the amount of alchohol I drink so yeah. All I need to work on is my diet and exercise. Ew...dreaded words eh? fuck it. I'm trying it...maybe. lol

Yesterday I watched Michael Moore's movie SICKO with my father. Both my parents are in the medical field, and after watching that I still can't stand how they can be happy working in such a flawed and unfair system. No reform, no compensation, no care for the sick, the poor- nothing? I'd rather live in France or Britain, or even Cuba! Or I could just move back to Canada, at least I'd know I'm not going to get screwed over if me or my family get's ill, or goes to college.

After the fight with Rafael I feel much closer to him spiritually, emotionally, physically. But, I know already know that my faith and trust i him has faltered. I don't know if he will do the same thing to me if we have another fight. And I'm sure we will. I'm just being realistic not pessemistic. He ignored me, was rude to me, and it made me feel worthless and insignificant. I know now that he knows that it's possible to have a fight that's good for your relationship. But, I don't know if he has built up the trust in himself to pull through more fights. I don't know if he will think that it's not worth fighting for and just quit me and leave. I don't know? I wish I could have more confidence, but for now all the confidence I have is in what I know. I know that he is good for me, and I am good for him. No matter how different he thinks we are, and how many problems we have. For some reason I think we both need to experience this relationship. For different reasons.

I wish I could teach him to trust more than himself, and that while you practice caution in relationships, caustion musn't hinder your ability to take risks and and get hurt once in a while. Cause we don't want to die without any scars. It's the only way we learn.
For me, I want him because he keeps teaching me new things about myself, and about him everyday. This mature relationship is something we've both never experience and I need to experience this with someone who is as doubtful (if not more), and as cautious, and inspired as I. I want to know that I have affected his life for the better; and I want him to know that he's affected my life for the better. Whether or not he chooses to stay with me or not. In the end I think it will be his decision. I don't know how committed he is to me, and because of that I to him. Right now things are good. How far it will go? I don't know. Time will only tell. All I do now is live, and wait.