I'm finding it hard to let go of mock trial. Well...the people in it. I'm not really letting go of them, it's just that I wont be spending much time with them as I usually would. This would be for my own scholastic benefit, but fuck will I miss them. Not all of them. Just Edgar, Kayla, Jamie, and Chris. Well not Chris cause I'll see him all the time anyways. But I'm sure to miss the rest. They will hang out together without me, and have inside jokes without me, and I am on the outside. I'm sure of it. I wish I hadn't quit. I wish I could have found a way to balance out my life so that I wouldn't have to loose them. But who's to say that I'm loosing them? I just don't want out friendship to fade. I guess that's one of my faults. I feel so vulnerable without my friends. I always feel like I need company. And when I'm alone I feel at stake, and targeted.
Now that I'm going through this whole "coming into my own" , "being myself", "finding my own path" deal, I'm scared as a fuck.
This is life, and these are the decisions you have to make Jenny. Worrying about these decisions is sanity. But being this sane can drive you mad.
what a halarious irony
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