That's the t-shirt I bought at Zara in San Francisco. Very fitting for a day like today.
Life is fun.
I love driving by myself in my old school mini van. Poor thing I left her lights on this morning at work and so my battery died. Luckily our tea party regulars came in the morning and they love me so they jumpstarted my car. Dr. Becker is interesting, I find myself dosing off in class because of stupid people who ask stupid questions and so he is forced to entertain them. But after class I spend like 20 minutes asking the questions I'd like to have asked but didn't have time too, or maybe I was too shy. I am still very skeptical about Manneheim's theory of political activity. When one becomes involved in politics the usual outcome is not enlightenment, but enforcement of misguided biases. After recognizing one's limits, and the limits of other people's understand where do you go from there. There is no middle ground, not base upon which there is room for understanding, compassion, or even consensus. That's me being hypercritical of a very utopian theory. I love playing devil's advocate in class, even if I don't agree with what I'm saying lol. Tonight was mock trial class. Met the new coaches. This one woman is intimidating because she's a DA,and the other one used to by my crim prof last year. ... who I don't really respect. But that's a whole other blog. Anyways, Sean was looking like himself. I think I've fallen out of infactuation for him. He's taken on the characteristics of my chris wilson. lol. I met a new team member David. He is very intruiging. He has this very sexy tatoo on his right arm. Even though it was a cross....lol. He seemed nervous. lol. Oh well it was endearing. He sat next to me after I introduced myself. I think this year's teams will definitely be fun. I get to play the victim this year, as well as a defense attorney. Very very EXCITING!!!
Met up with raf today after my phil class. He gave me back my journal. I don't know what he was expecting....maybe that I would still be distraught and angry, and irrational. Well...here's the thing... it takes a lot out of me, but I move past that stage quickly because I don't find the use in dwelling on something like that. And also because I get tired of being angry and emo. I'm not that kind of person. I'm very chill, and peaceful. Especially on something that I had no control over. I don't regret my relationship with Rafael. Nor am I embarrassed, or disheartened or broken by it. I was upset about the way he lied to himself and to me and everyone. But, honesty is what he needs to deal with, not I. I was honest in this relationship, I took as risk, got hurt, learned, and that's ok. That's how you move on and grow. I realized I need someone who is consistent with their feelings, and is honest about what they want. That is not Rafael. He's happy being by himself, that's his own personal choice. Who am I to say what makes a person happy? But I told him that the thing I value most in a realtionship is honesty. We have very different views on relationships in general. I won't be in a relationship if I feel it's forced, or obligated to someone, I'm in it for them, because I want to, because I want to be with that person. But his skepticism leads him to question his very own thoughts. I don't even want to mess with that anymore. Well in the end, I asked for a hug because I did miss him, and I was happy he knew how he went about things was wrong, or not the best way, and that I was able to say what I needed and wanted to say, and finally get closure.
I bought two new posters from the guy outside of the bookstore today! He was the one that introduced me to Manu Chao. He had a print of my single most favorite peice of art. It's called the Kiss by Gustave Klimt, and also a John Coltrane poster.
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